Pharmommy

change...

2009-04-26T09:14:00.002-05:00

Decided to move my website and make it more of a family one since that is mostly what I blog about... cya there!

a day in the park...

2009-04-21T08:57:00.014-05:00

It's getting so much fun to get out with Lucas and enjoy days like this... days where we can go to the park and celebrate the first birthday of a friend. Of course, I brought the camera this time. We went to another birthday party a week or so ago for Marley, and I didn't bring the camera. It seems impossible to hold a baby AND a camera, so luckily Jeff went with me this time! I love this picture of Lucas sitting on the playground watching the bigger kids run and play. I wonder if he imagines himself doing the same very soon! We're in that stage between baby and toddler... the transition that is sentimental for me. It's gone by way too quickly though I love that he communicates and mimics me more. His personality is fairly laid back which I love.

He's turning into a blondie which I suspected though his eyes are still as blue as they were before. I thought he'd be a green-eyed boy like his mom and dad, but so far he's a blue eyed boy like his Uncle Bill (who he still hasn't met) and his grandfather on his dad's side. (He hasn't met him either). Ironic, huh? It's a reminder that genetics are not predictable though you would think green plus green equals green.

Here is Lucas enjoying some ice cream. He kept refusing to try it until just a tiny bit hit his mouth, then it was the opposite reaction. I want more!

You can't ever predict how these little ones will react. Evangeline just wasn't very fond of her birthday hat. Lucas wasn't either. I love the expression of the little girl watching her. Such a moment. Daddy comforting her, everyone watching her... she's grown up so much in the past year!

Another friend, Genevieve, and her daughter Evangeline. Look at the cute bow in her hair!

Melissa and Marley:

Last, the birthday girl and her sweet mommy!

nothing sweeter than a baby sleeping...

2009-04-14T09:39:00.000-05:00

Lucas' 10 mos pics

2009-04-12T15:53:00.004-05:00

Taken by Lauren Gill Photography:

And here he is now. Taken by ME.

loss

2009-04-12T15:32:00.000-05:00

I always get a little bit introspective when things happen as they have in the past week... seemingly things that we have no control over and usually results in me wondering why someone was taken (in my thoughts) before their time. My dear grandfather used to say that "Well, it was their time..." when someone died. Uh, yes. I would think to myself, of course it was their time, but was it really? Was it a freak accident that was predestined to happen or was it something that just randomly happened? I struggle with that because it seems that in the case of the last couple of things, well... was it their time?

I've scoured the internet in my usual fashion. Of course, I spend way too much time here milling about from site to site reading news and searching for this and that. The latest? Dan Miller with WSMV Channel 4 who suffered an untimely heart attach while strolling on the street he grew up in Augusta, GA. Every few moments I hear on Channel 4 buzzing in the background the same little piano notes playing and a few pictures or still video of Dan and I pause sadly and glance up. I didn't know him, but you would think by the look on my face and the sad thoughts in my head that I did. Yes, he was invited into our home many nights to report the news. He's actually the one that I'd rather hear it from if I had to choose. (If all the ladies besides Demetria didn't say "to-dyaaa" rather than "today." It's one of those nails on a chalkboard thing! LOL)

I didn't know he had a blog himself (really what he'd termed a "notebook" rather than a blog, and I don't blame him there!) that has been nice to read lately (two actually)... almost a way to humanize him more rather than casting the news aside, "Well who cares, I didn't know him..." but realizing that there are four children, a wife, friends, and more mourning his loss. I do think that if I had my choice the way he went doesn't sound so bad... He was walking with a close friend remembering the past on the street where he grew up. Still, he was young.

It's definitely much better than the way that Kori and Olivia Bryant left the world on Friday. I cannot imagine her terror prior to the F3 tornado hitting their home. I hold onto my own son imagining and thinking now about the plans of the future during the next tornado warning. I've been in several tornadoes in my life (near misses mostly) and one that missed me by just a tiny bit while I worked in a grocery story my senior year. It completely demolished our little town... a lot of things changed after that for me. I have an immense amount of respect for the power of the tornado and sometimes find them so random in where they strike that I don't get that sense of terror when one is nearby... the odds are always in our favor.

A fund has been set up for the family. Donations can be made to the John Bryant Family fund at any Bank of America branch. I cannot imagine losing everything I own and my family in just a few moments. He's definitely going to need a lot of prayer, help, and love to get through this tragedy.

what I've learned about breastfeeding...

2009-04-10T08:15:00.000-05:00

A lot of people, surprisingly even women, find breastfeeding offensive and gross. I remember one day having lunch with a friend and reaching for a bottle of pumped breast milk for my son to drink. She asked me if it was breast milk. (Yes, it's white just like milk but has the consistency of skim milk, really! It's not some odd orange colored concoction. Looks like milk.) I told her it was. Her reply? "Gross." How did it make me feel? Sad that the idea of the very fluid perfectly and miraculously created by God by my body (if He created me, right?) was gross or offensive. I thought about the comment for a long time spending a lot of time reminiscing about the first four months of Lucas' life where he didn't have the ability to suck very well (NICU babies sometimes have this issue as the sucking reflex is one of the last things (along with their lungs) to develop) and how I'm so glad I didn't find it gross giving him the very best I could.
Not everyone's experience with breast feeding is the same as the next mother's. Some mothers have no issues at all with it. Some experience engorgement. I never experienced engorgement but I'm told that it felt like her breasts would explode with so much heaviness and milk, and she even said she felt it in the rest of her body. Some women don't produce enough milk for various reasons. There are positive and negative experiences just like with everything else. Breast feeding is certainly not as natural in terms of how to do it properly as to not damage your nipples! I also don't like to hear either side of the spectrum -- the extreme opinions about it. The staunch formula moms who discredit the breastfeeding moms and the breastfeeding moms that view formula as if it were poision. I try to remain in the middle. Do the best you can for what you can. If that means doing what I did, I can certainly encourage you. If you decide to wean because of WHATEVER reason, I will support you. More with #3.
Breastfeeding moms, at times, can feel that they are providing the best for their babies compared to their formula feeding moms. Sometimes, this can translate to a sort of, "How could you not give your baby the best?" You have to remember, however, that #2 is true. Just because you have had no problem nursing your child, the very mother that you are judging had reason to stop nursing. It's her choice, after all, just like it will be her choice on becoming a stay-at-home mom, continuing to work while placing her child in daycare, and on and on in life. A formula fed baby can become just as smart as a breastfed baby, I'm positive... I wasn't breastfed, and I certainly don't feel shorted or that mom didn't love me less. It's quite common in the first child for breastfeeding to fail. Just having a child is a huge change in life. Adding breastfeeding with problems can really complicate things. Believe me on that one! I wish mothers didn't judge one another but supported one another. There's nothing worse than reading some post from someone or hearing someone go on and on about how great a mother they are because they are breastfeeding or not. I don't really think breastfeeding is the only thing that can make a great mother!
Mastitis and yeast are horrible. I had mastitis twice, and would never want it again. Your temperature can go above 103F very quickly, and the treatment can cause another problem... yeast infection in your breasts. It sounds gross, but just imagine feeling glass shards inside your breasts. That's how it feels. Just reminiscing about it makes me cringe. I learned to love diflucan tablets, gentian violet tincture, and vinegar. I will say because I was exclusively pumping the first four months of Lucas' life, these two problems were exacerbated. Oh yeah, the baby can get yeast infection, too. Lucas had a yeast rash that cleared up rather quickly, but the baby CAN get the candida infection in his/her mouth as well.
If you really really want to breastfeed exclusively, you have to remember that the baby will eat more often while nursing. Even today, Lucas probably nurses 4-5 times daily vs babies his same age that are on bottles are down to 2-3 a day of whole milk. The baby will use your breast for not only the nutrition but for comfort. There IS quite a bond and it is difficult to take time away from the baby while he/she is still nursing. Lucas and I have still not been apart for more than 3-4 hours really.
And my biggest advice of all, this time goes by quickly. We're toward the end of this breastfeeding journey, and I have learned quite a bit from it. I'm also ready to get to a twice daily (morning and night) schedule with him. Ironically, after all the trouble we had in the first four months is as if Lucas has decided that he wants to make up for those four months and doesn't have it in HIS plans to wean anytime soon. Lord help! (laugh)

getting into everything...

2009-04-09T17:41:00.001-05:00

Lucas has a way of crawling really fast toward something new and finding new ways to open things. We have the kitchen completely baby-proof with Tot Locks. Sometimes I do open one of the cabinets to let him pull out pots and pans as that is something ALL babies should have the chance to try. Here he is in the foyer just figuring out how to open a drawer.

though I didn't know him personally...

2009-04-09T08:49:00.000-05:00

... I felt I did as many a night he would be on the television giving the nightly news. Dan Miller passed away in his hometown of Augusta, GA while walking with his two friends from WSMV Rudy Kalis and Terry Bulger of an apparent heart attack. They were there for the Masters' Tournament.

From WSMV

2009-04-07T13:35:00.000-05:00

Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear Lucas! Happy birthday to you!

I'm so thrilled to celebrate this day with my little man and list all the things he can do. Lucas can:

Wave to people. Who knows if he knows the difference between Hi and Bye, but he loves to wave. It's usually when the person isn't looking so I think it's more of a "Hey you..." wave.
Pulls up and stands unassistant. Apparently this means that walking is anytime now. I'm not in a rush to watch Lucas teeter about wabbling, etc... but he's growing up!
Says a multitude of consonants including: Mama, Dada, Nana, Gaga, Nono, Doo, Goo, Go, Doe, Moe, Ss, St, Ts (weird I know), and so forth. He babbles a lot.
He's still not a big eater. We're working on that.
Cruises all over the place with his various toys. His aunt bought him a really cool dump truck that makes all the truck sounds like backing up, the horn, starting the truck, etc... It's really neat, and he can store his toys in the back. He got an elmo, a Corduroy bear, etc... What a lucky little guy...
He points to things he wants.
He tends to have a little bit of a temper. I'm wondering if this is from me? LOL

Anyway, here's some pictures from his big day.

staring Duke down...

2009-04-03T09:36:00.000-05:00

There were only two babies in attendance at the Mom's group on Wednesday. Lucas and Marley. Here they are staring down Duke, the boxer after going for a wonderful walk at the park.

a perfect sunset

2009-03-24T07:56:00.002-05:00

Before heading off to the gym to try and pound out 5 miles... (I only made it to 3 before exhaustion), I captured this shot of father/son in the backyard. How sweet! The training for the half marathon is WAY behind, and I've already signed up so no backing out now. Wow. It seemed like it wouldn't be SO hard to train for it since I've done a full marathon twice, but I am SO out of shape. I feel like one of those people on the Biggest Loser looking so out of place on a treadmill. I will say that it was easier last night than a couple of weeks ago. I have to do that five miles this weekend for sure. Of course, my goal is to finish, but I'd like to finish with no injury from not training. Ugh, I'm such a procrastinator!

I returned home from the gym last night with Jeff showing off Lucas standing up on his own. Wow! Slow down little man! I'm not ready for you to grow up so fast. Believe me, just having this last year go by so fast really makes me understand why someone would have a baby back-to-back! I wish it was so easy to get pregnant just when you want to, but sometimes it takes longer when you are oldies like Jeff and me. *laugh* Anyway, Jeff was bribing Lucas with some gerber yogurt smoothie treats which he loves. It's so much fun watching the changes almost daily in his personality, etc...

Lucas has 6 teeth! When he smiles he does a little bit of a crossbite and winks both eyes almost like he's learning how to flirt so soon! He points to everything and says several words. I will admit it's hard to understand what he's saying sometimes, but he says "dog" for Jake, Theo, and Pate. He calls me mama and Jeff dada. There are other words and points at things he wants. How fun! He plays peek-a-boo, and he loves for us to read him books. (Cordoroy Goes to the Doctor being his favorite at the moment).

sweet baby boy

2009-03-23T16:02:00.001-05:00

I cannot believe we are approaching Lucas' first birthday. True to my nature, I haven't planned his birthday party very well. I'm just NOT a planner. Hopefully it'll be small and work out fine. Lucas can stand by himself now with no assistance though still not walking, thank goodness! His favorite thing right now is to get in his walker and chase the dogs. He's a hilarious little man!

love of dogs and pointing

2009-03-17T07:56:00.004-05:00

Lucas never ceases to amaze me with his continual growth and personality peeking through. As most know, I have three dogs. I have two that are very old (17 and 13) and a maltese that is 7. Lucas has this knack for crawling toward both Theo and Pate and head butting them, as seen above. Neither of them can move very quickly to get away. Lucas also likes to use them both as a pillow to lay his head on. It's hilarious! I'm sure they don't enjoy it, though, but maybe Theo looks pretty happy above. I videoed Lucas feeding Pate puffs last night. I figure Lucas will never remember these two old dogs, but I'll have the memories.

We went to the doctor yesterday because I wanted the doctor to check out his eye. The doctor suspects eczema but found out Lukie weighs about 19 pounds now. He's just so darn little! Another new thing is that Lucas points to everything. It's amazing watching him grow and communicate more and more with all of us. What a joy!

wants and needs...

2009-03-14T16:14:00.000-05:00

I really really really want a new camera. There are so many limitations with my current one that I feel until I make the jump to something better, I will struggle with composition and focus. You see, on the Nikon D40, there are three focal points. They are all centered. Photography follows the rule of thirds... which is not centered. I rest my case. Another issue is the noise the D40 has at any other ISO except for 200 or 400. I don't know why there is an 800 or above option unless you are wanting a grainy black and white piece. I know, I know. Priorities.

I am going to start saving. Ever so slowly. Selling stuff on ebay. Going to find one used if I have to sometime in '09 or '10. Until then, I will do the best I can with what I have. It's a bad thing to get into photography. It's a very expensive hobby. I need a free hobby ;)

mommy group

2009-03-11T21:46:00.000-05:00

We met together today and decided to post the pics to enjoy! Here's Evangeline, Marley, and Lucas playing together. Marley is demonstrating how to play her toy.

Lucas is a big boy showing off a block!

Big grins from Evangeline. She makes this face often; she's so expressive!

Group crusing. Showing off the skillz.

Here, take this...

Professional crawler...

Of course, have to end the photos with my little one:

what i learned and what i would do different

2009-03-11T09:46:00.001-05:00

I would relive the last year in a heartbeat. This is what I learned, or at least a part of what I learned. If I had to go back and tell myself any advice, it would be this:

1. Get ready to be sleep deprived. Yes, you are sleep deprived in the last trimester due to being so dang uncomfortable. I remember waking up every hour or two to go to the bathroom. I thought it was neat how mother nature helped prepare me for sleep deprivation. But, that sleep deprivation in the last trimester is NOTHING like the sleep deprivation when little baby comes home. I didn't sleep well for three months. That's a lot of sleep deprivation and I see why prisoners of war are subjected to this type of torture. It is plain torture both physically and mentally. How moms of more than one do THIS with more than one child is beyond me... they are deserving of some sort of congressional award.

2. Because of the sleep deprivation, the mind doesn't work normally. Things that would be no big deal are suddenly major big deals. That means if your husband is snoring in while you are getting up to tend to the baby, one cannot help but look at him in disgust. I remember thinking constantly, "Must be nice...." The baby crying longer than usual, choking on milk because it goes down the wrong way, a weird poop, etc... can all be interpreted as medical emergencies. Delusional thoughts of how frail the baby is and the thoughts of how easy it would be to harm the baby happen, too. Most women don't want to talk about it, but it's true. Thoughts of how frail Lucas' neck was, etc... constantly bombarded me. It seemed to happen more the less sleep I got, and I learned to use that as a cue to get some rest. Call a friend. Seriously. The best baby gift anyone got me was coming to my home about 3-4 weeks out and keeping Lucas from 6pm-10pm while Jeff was out of town to give me time to catch up a little on sleep. It was the BEST GIFT. Kelley Work you rock! A break is all she needs. If her husband doesn't travel, offer to help her during the day during the week. Take a day off work and go to her house and either help her with all the house stuff or have her go to bed and take care of the baby. I wasn't able to ask for help because of my pride. Luckily Kelley being a mom of three was able to recognize what I needed more than another baby blanket...

3. LET YOUR HOUSEWORK GO. Seriously. Let it go. You will NOT be able to take care of the baby, yourself, and the HOUSE in the first several months. If you can let it go, it will make this experience so much better. If you can't let it go, you are going to be completely frazzled and will look back and regret it. I let it go half and half. Wish I had let it go completely.

4. All babies, for the most part, are colicky. They spit up, cry, whine, and the like. Just be calm. Breathe deeply. Pray. Rest. It gets better every single day.

5. Take pictures every day. Don't let it go by without pictures. Last count: I have over 2,000 pictures of Lucas. He's only been on the planet about 330 days. That's a lot of mammarazzi.

6. Get a good video camera. Some of my best memories are memories in motion. At count I have about 9 full video tapes of an hour each. I wish I had done more, but there's only so many times I could capture a little coo early on. When Lucas started crawling at 8 months, it got a lot more fun and interesting.

7. Don't sweat the milestones. Don't sweat the decisions that seem to divide many moms. Don't sweat the vaccines. Be informed and make a decision. No decision is correct or wrong. Seriously. I can argue that vaccines do NOT cause autism and I can argue that delaying if not in daycare is not a big deal either. If vaccines caused autism, we would have much higher rates than we do. That's my personal opinion on it. I did opt to skip all hepatitis vaccines. Research hepatitis and how it's spread and you'll understand why. Hepatitis A is spread through food mostly. Last time I checked, Lucas isn't eating McDonalds. Hepatitis B is spread through bodily fluids. All hospital staff are vaccinated against Hep B as hospital policy. Find out if you have Hep B. If you don't, your baby won't. The only other way he/she could get it as a baby is through blood, etc... I suppose if Lucas was in daycare I would go ahead and give Hep B vaccine because of cuts, scrapes, etc... that can happy and the sheer number of children there; otherwise, wait. If someone tells you to cloth diaper because it saves the environment? Last research shows that either comes out in a wash... in other words, yes it takes hundreds of years for our diapers to degrade. However, the amount of water it takes to wash the cloth diapers is wasteful as well. Probably the better choice would be to find a diaper that is environmentally friendly AND disposable. That would actually be the best choice, but high on the pocketbook and so far haven't found one that didn't leak for Lucas. I don't know about you but a leaky diaper is not something I have the time for working AND taking care of him. Moms are SO opinionated, me included. Take some advice... try it out... find your own way. Don't sweat it. We all love our babies.

8. Get ready to discover that you never knew what love was until you met your child. It goes beyond the love you have for your spouse... not that it's more, but that it's different. You suddenly understand the love that God has for you and that God had for His Son. Just today, I have to add as I type this, a technician was here to put in a new phone jack so I can move my home office downstairs later, and he told me before he left that he had been under the house praying for me. I suppose in his line of work he finds a way to incorporate his faith, which I appreciate, into his work. He told me as he prayed for me that God told Him to tell me how precious I was to Him... like the love that I have for Lucas. I have been thinking about that love lately. I'm super glad that he felt comfortable to share that with me today because in this world, a lot of people would meet that word with skepticism and negativity.

It actually made my day.

Having a child is going to change your life for the better. You will discover how to be less selfish (hopefully). You will be amazed at the amount of love your parents showed you and how much they loved you. If your parent was not in the picture you will wonder how they could even leave.

It has been amazing.

11 months old!

2009-03-11T09:28:00.002-05:00

Time flies when you are having fun, no doubt about it. Lucas turned 11 months old today. He has six teeth already, cruises around and crawls everywhere. He loves his exersaucer, you know the one that many books tout as very dangerous and babies have "died" in them! Yeah, they sure have... something about a rolling object and stairs just doesn't go together. You'd think sometimes that people would have common sense, but unfortunately they don't. Case in point, look at how everyone is trying to blame someone for the economic crisis. My number one group to blame is the American consumer. Ugh, don't get me started. It's like if I went to the bank and they approved me for a million dollar loan for a home. Some people like the idea of government helping those with no common sense. I used to think that government didn't need to be so big... but geeze... maybe I assume people are smarter than they actually are.

Anyway, I digress. Lucas is a joy. Some of the things he does is make noises like a sqwack when he's happy. He smiles a lot, but he's not a big eater. You almost have to feed him little things all the time. He's just not interested in food. That in itself is NOTHING like his mother. I loved, love, and will love food as long as there is breath in my body. Thus the reason I am on weight watchers. LOL

Lucas loves bathtime. He's not fond of naps. He doesn't care for the bottle or sippy cup. I'm sort of sketchy on how to wean this little man. LOL It's a problem I didn't think I'd have back almost a year ago! Funny how one problem can morph into another.

Lucas loves to terrorize the dogs. Pate, who is extremely arthritic and on his last leg, is his favorite. It's sad on one end and funny on another. Theo, at the ripe old age of 17, seems to tolerate the abuse better than the rest. Pate has been snappy, so I have to watch them closer. Jake runs off. At 5 lbs, Jake is swift and slick at avoiding baby man.

I'd say Lucas weighs about 20 lbs maybe. He's in the bottom of the curve on weight and probably close to middle bottom in height. They never adjust for the 36 week delivery, so I always think in my mind that he's alright if he'd been born May 1st. I do hope he eats better in the future.

He's also stood without assistance. I'm the mother that doesn't want him to learn things so fast as opposed to mothers that show off what theirs can do. If I could go back and relive the past year, I would in a heartbeat. I would do it a bit different though.

I would try to enjoy it even more than I did. That's what #2 is for, right?

Pate in the snow

2009-03-01T08:56:00.002-06:00

Woke up this morning to a winter wonderland on the first day of March and our first cold with Lucas (very mild). I have it, too! Nothing like a little chlorpheniramine and sudafed to help combat the beginnings of what could be a sinus infection. I feel fine, though.

I shot this photo in manual and had to make sure the white snow wasn't blown out. Pate was really ready to come inside at this point!

High in the 70s next weekend!

happy birthday to my mom!

2009-02-28T15:16:00.000-06:00

I meant to post this picture last month but as usual, the time gets away from me. Here's my mom blowing out her candles as her favorite grandson watches. He's ready to dig into some cake... won't be long now!

.bubble bath.

2009-02-27T16:02:00.001-06:00

.bubble bath.
Originally uploaded by BethLo

I redid this in photoshop. The color version was so OFF that I decided on black and white to get rid of all the colorcasts.

the worm that is infecting hospitals worldwide

2009-02-27T12:15:00.000-06:00

Things are slow at work right now. The worm has hit. Microsoft has put a bounty on its creator. It's amazing to me the damage I'm hearing and reading about. I just hope it stops soon!

Article.

grateful

2009-02-25T23:06:00.000-06:00

It is easy in the late evening to not pause and think about the day and all it held for me. Even a day like today... a Wednesday... was wonderful. Lucas allowed me to sleep in. Of course, I had to carry him back to the bed with me and we napped in a bit until the two old dogs wouldn't have another minute of not going outside. Lucas had a big appetite today, something that is not necessarily normal. He's not a big eater and of the babies I'm around, he's weighing less. He's not skinny; he's not necessarily picky. I'm hoping it's just a phase. The morning passed in a blur. I had a conference call I had to get on at 9am. Lucas just tottered around the living room grinning up at me from time to time. He's such the little comedian. At 12:30pm we left for our Wednesday playdate where we meet up with friends with babies in common. It's fun. It's nice that we talk about things other than babies, too! I had a nice glass of wine, a strong cup of coffee, and much needed conversation. I think I unload a lot. We took the long drive home down Granny White Pike and through Brentwood and circling Franklin twice through downtown. Lucas was getting his nap in the car, his favorite place to sleep lately. My wonderful parents came over. We enjoyed the evening.

And now the day is done. I'm grateful for the simple things today. I'm thankful for health, family, and love.

oh god

2009-02-25T11:52:00.000-06:00

I wish that the media would stop trying to portray themselves as neutral players in the game of politics. I would have a lot more respect if they'd just come out of the closet and say it...

Matthews did though it was a slip-up.

"Oh God" Heard From MSNBC Set As Gov. Jindal Appears for GOP Response

As Louisana Gov. Bobby Jindal approached the camera to deliver the GOP response to Pres. Obama last night, someone on the MSNBC set whispered "Oh God." But the whisper was loud enough to be heard by anyone who was watching MSNBC.

TVNewser has learned Hardball host Chris Matthews was the anchor who uttered the words. Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow were also a part of the coverage at the time. Some blogs claimed it was Olbermann, but sources tell us it was in fact Matthews.

In addition, Matthews is being criticized for his choice of the word "outsource" when describing Jindal as the GOP's speaker. Jindal is an Indian-American whose parents immigrated to the U.S. in 1970.

In every area that was touched on, they had to get an outside guy. They had to outsource the response tonight, the Republican party. They had to outsource it to someone who had nothing to do with Congress because the Republicans in Congress had nothing to do with the programs he was talking about tonight or the record he referred to.

more on nadya

2009-02-24T07:43:00.000-06:00

Wow... first of all she is very disrespectful to her mother almost acting like her mother is not intelligent. Secondly, she has no responsibility in her own actions and uses the argument of "moving forward." She truly doesn't understand IVF or the odds or ethical debate. Obviously neither does her reproductive endocrinologist (RE) who should be banned from practice and/or forced to pay some sort of child support since he helped this situation to happen.

Another video. Her mother and Nadya discussing rather heatedly the children and her irresponsibility of implanting 6 embryos. I haven't heard any talk of embryos splitting or two sets of twins, etc... I'm thinking he implanted all 8.

dysons never lose their suction... sort of

2009-02-20T07:38:00.000-06:00

I have been in love with the Dyson vacuum cleaner from the first moment I got it a couple of years ago. The commercials are always catchy with the trendy British accent and "it never loses its suction."

I had to make a call a couple of months ago and when I *finally* had a living person on the other end of the line, I said, "Yes... my Dyson has lost suction."

Seems that there was a design flaw in the earlier models and they are (for free) sending out complete new ones (just the suction part - which is the most important part of the vacuum).

The downside was that it took two months to receive the new part. Between being backordered and the company forgetting to complete the order, I had to call three times total.

The most important thing I can tell you about Dyson vacuums is to never ever rinse them out with water. It sort of worked out to get a new part for me because I had to google how to clean the turbine part and read to rinse out with water. What I was left with was a stinky old dog smelly vacuum smell. Hardly desirable.

Now I have a new one under warranty with no dog smell!

playing

2009-02-19T21:47:00.006-06:00

Just some snapshots of the babies born around the same time. I love getting together with the moms and getting some snapshots... and some sanity ;)

surrendering...

2009-02-19T09:54:00.001-06:00

I subscribe to Rick Warren's daily devotional, which I love. Most of the time I sign up for these things, I eventually unsubscribe. I haven't his yet over the past year because they are usually so insightful and helpful. I loved this one:

Surrender: Let Go and Let God Work
by Rick Warren

Surrender yourself to the Lord, and wait patiently for him. Psalm 37:7 (GWT)
*** *** *** ***
Surrendering your life means:
· Following God’s lead without knowing where he’s sending you;
· Waiting for God’s timing without knowing when it will come;
· Expecting a miracle without knowing how God will provide;
· Trusting God’s purpose without understanding the circumstances.

You know you’re surrendered to God when you rely on God to work things out instead of trying to manipulate others, force your agenda, and control the situation. You let go and let God work.You don’t have to always be in charge. Instead of trying harder, you trust more.
You also know you’re surrendered when you don’t react to criticism and rush to defend yourself.
Surrendered hearts show up best in relationships. You are not self-serving, you don’t edge others out, and you don’t demand your rights.

The supreme example of self-surrender is Jesus. The night before his crucifixion Jesus surrendered himself to God’s plan. He prayed, “Father, everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will, not mine” (Mark 14:36 NLT).

Jesus didn’t pray, “God, if you’re able to take away this pain, please do so.” He began by affirming that God can do anything! He prayed, “God, if it is in your best interest to remove this suffering, please do so. But if it fulfills your purpose, that’s what I want, too.”

Genuine surrender says, “Father, if this problem, pain, sickness, or circumstance is needed to fulfill your purpose and glory in my life or in another’s life, please don’t take it away!”
This level of maturity doesn’t come easy.In Jesus’ case, he agonized so much over God’s plan that he sweat drops of blood. Surrender is hard work. In our case, it requires intense warfare against our self-centered nature.

It's very difficult and has been in the past for me to do exactly this. I have always been the type of person to try to "make" things happen on my timetable. Trusting and doing nothing while waiting is definitely against my personality. I like results yesterday!

The struggle when finally getting to the point of surrender is an exhausting one. It's "what can I do to do this..."? On and on... trying to make things happen, trying to see the result we want (even at the expense of what is truly best for us), etc... Sometimes we don't even know what is best for us. I'm always trying to remember that everything happens for a reason. God uses those things in our lives for good. I wonder if I'll truly ever learn this lesson rather than struggling for a period of time and then FINALLY releasing it. If I could ever learn to just release it from the beginning, it would save me a lot of heartache.

thoughts about the octuplet mom

2009-02-18T22:42:00.002-06:00

I have really, really been wanting to delve into my own thoughts about the octuplet mom, Suleman, recently and have with a small group of my friends, though rather briefly. I'm really amazed at how this woman appears from the outside either an accurate description by the media or someone who is really getting beat up by the same. My guess is that she truly is a mental train wreck.

First of all, yesterday her PR firm, The Killeen Furtney Group recently stopped representing Nadya Suleman because of death threats that came in to the firm's office, Killeen said Monday on CNN's "Larry King Live." I also noticed on her website that you can no longer (as of this minute) leave her a comment. I suppose she got a lot of hate and had to disable it. Without someone representing her, Nadya isn't going to have TIME to get online and check anything. She is accepting cash and credit card donations, by the way. No, I'm not donating a penny, though I feel very sorry for those 14 children.

Second, it is apparent at first glance that she has had some "work" done to her face (note her lips) and almost resembles in a different way, Angelina Jolie. Suleman rejects claims that she is obsessed with Jolie. "All lies. I have no interest in her. None," she says. "I've never been a fan of anybody famous. Now I kinda have a taste. But it's not being famous – it's being infamous. It's a nightmare."(People magazine - of course in newstands soon to attempt to lure you at the check out to buy the magazine). I do believe that she aligns herself with Jolie in obviously a different way.

Thirdly, I have a real problem with a mother who continues to try to have more children with no truly stable environment. There is no father, no job, no income, and no ROOM in their tiny living quarters to be able to raise 14 children. Her mother has spoken out against her and the media has really opened up all of her little secrets like $168,000 collected in disability from a riot she was in while working a mental hospital. She receives over $400/month in food stamps.

Octuplets mom Nadya Suleman had more to worry about than the demands of her ever-growing family: records reveals she was injured in a 1999 riot at a psychiatric hospital and got disability benefits from the state of California totaling nearly $168,000.

Suleman, 33 – who said in her first TV interview that she had always dreamed of having "a huge family" – received the payments as part of a workers' compensation settlement stemming from injuries she suffered during the disturbance, which left her with chronic back pain.

On Sept. 18, 1999, while on duty as a psychiatric technician at Metropolitan State Hospital in Norwalk, Calif., Suleman responded to an emergency alert called when 20 patients rioted.

"While she attempted to hold down a female patient, she was struck on her back by a desk that was thrown by another patient in the ward," according to a document submitted last year to a state claims examiner. "She experienced the onset of immediate pain in her low back."

Permanent Damage
Doctors advised her against taking a job that involved "prolonged sitting, standing and walking," according to the workers' comp documents.

The State Compensation Insurance Fund's liability to Suleman ended on Aug. 28, 2008, after she had became pregnant with octuplets by in-vitro fertilization. (By then, she had already given birth to six other children.) Suleman had been paid $168,000 in disability benefits since August 2001.

Doctors concluded Suleman had suffered permanent damage to the lumbar area of her spine that could become more painful "with heavy lifting, repetitive bending, prolonged sitting, standing or walking."

Noting that she was pregnant, the doctors estimated 10 percent of her pain at the time was due to her pregnancy, and 90 percent was due to the injuries from the riot and a subsequent car accident.

A Second Claim
In 2001, while Suleman was leaving a doctor's office for treatment of the injury, her car was rear-ended, according to the records.

Suleman hurt her neck, back and shoulders, and filed an additional claim for workers' compensation, arguing the accident would not have occurred had she not been going for medical treatment for the earlier injury. It was unclear if she received funds for that claim.

I just want to go back in time to sitting in while she is discussing with her reproductive endocrinologist about wanting to do IVF. She tells him she has 6 children, although he already knew as he helped her with IVF in the past successfully. I want to sit in on the defense of how a doctor could go along with putting in 6 embryos.

Government is always wanting to get involved in things I don't want them to and not even thinking about getting involved in the things they should. As it is, the state of California is going to have to add a Nadya Suleman budget to their state budget for the fiscal year. It is truly unbelievable but the only victims are those children.

Edited to add: Now Suleman is about to lose her home. Can this story be any more of a train wreck?

things i cherish now

2009-02-15T09:46:00.004-06:00

1. Big smiles with odd baby teeth sprinkled here and there. Today there are five teeth. He and Theo, our shih-tzu, have a lot in common. "Summer teeth" - some are here and there.

2. Hearing Jeff downstairs "singing" to Lucas and bouncing him on his knee. Hearing him kiss Lucas' head. Hearing anything from them reflecting the bond that a daddy has with his son. So sweet.

3. An awake ten month old standing in his crib first thing in the morning holding his favorite toy. The big smile that fills his face when I walk in the room. Yes, he has me completely wrapped around his finger. This morning, for example, I greeted him with a bigger smile. I didn't get to put him to bed last night because we went out for a Valentines' Day dinner. I missed tucking him in. So glad we are taking him to FL with us in May.

4. Big chubby baby feet. I love tickling him and messing with his feet. He's quite the comedian himself!

5. Seeing my mother and father go ga-ga over Lucas. Seeing family resemblances within Lucas. It's so amazing that a child is a genetic combination of two different families. Both are truly represented.

whew....

2009-02-14T14:00:00.000-06:00

So far so good on my sheltie. Just bad arthritis and a lot more TLC needed at home. Isn't he a cutie? I know, I know the little white guy, Jake, steals the show!

pate news...

2009-02-13T13:24:00.002-06:00

I know. He's just a dog, and a dog is not guaranteed a very long life. Ten years if a large dog; maybe 15 if small. In the scheme of things that amount of time can pass almost like a blink of an eye. And so it has for Pate and me.

I remember the day I bought Pate like yesterday. I remember the first time I jumped up and down in the snow cheering like mad while noticing the light bulb going off in Pate's head. He never messed in the house again. He never marked. I remember the walks we used to take before his Cushing's took away that ability. I'm so sad because it's passed all too quickly. I'm sad that we're in the last few days of his life. I can tell that it won't be long and I'll spare him a painful death.

I plan to hold him as they administer the lethal injection of pentobarbital. I dread it. The thought now makes me so sad and shudder with the thought of life without Pate.

He's been put on tramadol three times daily which is making him more lethargic. His quality of life is definitely diminishing. I've finally got in touch with the vet I trust the most and hopefully meeting with him tomorrow if I find someone to work for me for two hours. I know that if he tells me it's time, I can do this. I can do the right thing and give him the dignity in crossing over that he deserves rather than struggling here.

Oh God! Help me! The thought without him, my best friend, is a thought I don't want to entertain but fairly soon will be my reality.

I really pray that dogs go to heaven. Please tell me they do. I hope he's waiting on me :(

of course, more pics

2009-02-13T13:23:00.002-06:00

Yes, I have on mommy goggles. As usual.

what are little boys made of?

2009-02-12T22:04:00.000-06:00

Snips and snails, and puppy-dogs' tails,
That's what little boys are made of.

Case-in-point, Lucas discovering his first bug.

bathtub

2009-02-11T21:39:00.005-06:00

Look at that baby!

10 months

2009-02-10T15:27:00.006-06:00

I am perpetually in awe in how fast time is flying in regards to the changes and development of our son, Lucas. I never realized how fast it would go by. He's already a miniature little boy and no longer so baby looking. He is pulling up on anything, is fearless, and looks a lot like his daddy. He loves to make me laugh. He will actually blow on my stomach just as I do him and expect me to squeal with delight as he does. It's amazing, really to see a little baby develop into something so much more and again the appreciation to my own parents grows by the moment. We took him outside this past weekend and enjoyed the weather. Lucas wasn't too keen on the dry, brittle grass, but it was a hoot to again practice my photography. What a hobby. And expensive. Hold me back from the Nikon D700 please. I really really want one. Google the cost and you'll see why I don't have one right now.

teaching lucas gentle

2009-02-05T09:56:00.007-06:00

Oh it's so hard chasing around an almost ten month as he terrorizes through the house after our dogs, two of which are classified elderly and worthy of doggie nursing home. Theo cannot go down stairs anymore. Pate cannot go up. Theo is 17; Pate is 13.

The lesson of "Gentle" goes like this:
Lucas lunges at Theo who is resting peacefully in the floor in front of the couch. Lucas reaches out his chubby little hand and grabs Theo's dull gray fur and pulls. Theo barely moves but it's obvious it disturbs him.

"Lukie, gentle." I say. I hold his little hand and show him how to pet Theo. I show him and say "gentle" at the same time. This repeats twenty times. I'm already tired. LOL

When Lucas figures out what he's doing, sort of in my own mommy brain that my child is brilliant (ha ha), he waves his arms up and down in victory so proud of himself and precedes to slap Theo hard.

No, he didn't learn a thing.

cash 4 gold: is it a scam?

2009-02-03T06:37:00.008-06:00

They are obviously making some money in that they had a Super Bowl commercial, but though it was funny when I read this from a former employee.

Edited to add: Since this was copy and posted and doesn't reflect my personal beliefs, I will merely post the LINKS. Feel free to make your own decision!. I originally thought maybe it was something funny to post... maybe it's not true... now after contact was made from someone claiming to be an attorney (posted below) on Facebook (who does that?)... I'm thinking maybe there is truth to the rumors?

1. 10 Confessions of a Former Employee
2. Another Link
3. Another Link
4. Complaints Board in FL
5. Another one... do I need to keep going?

What I received on Facebook. Could it be that this is circulating and hurting their business????

Hello Beth,

My name is Weronika Cwir and I represent Cash4Gold. I couldn't find another email for you, thus this message on facebook...

I am writing to alert you that a posting on your blog Pharmommy contains false and defamatory information, and to request that you immediately remove the entry from your site.

The statements by a former short-term employee terminated by the company are malicious in intent. The posting contains numerous errors, misrepresentations and deliberate lies that clearly constitute defamatory statements regarding Cash4Gold and its senior executives.

We are not objecting to statements of opinion. However, when a blog posting claims to state facts as a matter of authority, and those facts are demonstrably false and damaging, that crosses legal boundaries. Sites hosting such statements, after being informed of the falsehoods, bear the same liability for defamation as the author.

Virtually every point made by the author of the posting is false or misleading. Following is a list of some of those statements:

1) It is false to claim there is a Cash4Gold “scam.” Furthermore, no employee is ever taught such a “scam.”
2) It is false to claim that the company insures the refiner’s pack “according to how much they feel your items are worth.” In fact, the insurance on the refiner’s pack is provided free of charge by the company and is not based on any assessment by the company of the value of the items being sent. (How could the company evaluate items before they are received?)
3) It is false to claim that the company doesn’t tell customers when their pack is received. In fact, the company immediately tracks items received and there is no delay in so informing those who inquire.
4) It is false to suggest the company uses inappropriate or insufficient methods for evaluating jewelry. In fact, Cash4Gold uses state-of-the-art equipment and techniques to evaluate precious metals. The methods used are well-known among jewelry experts and Cash4Gold’s proprietary standards far exceed those of competitors.
5) It is false to claim that the company’s site has been closed for “health” violations. In fact, the refinery and testing facility are A-rated by OSHA for being safe environments.
6) It is false to claim that checks are dated 3-4 days before they are sent out. In fact, as an internal audit recently confirmed, checks are dated the same day they are sent out.
7) It is false to claim the company shortcuts the 10-day period for customers to ask for their items back. In fact, the company makes it very easy to ask for the return of materials – by phone, e-mail or mail – and holds items for an extra 5 days beyond the 10 to accommodate such requests. This is supported by the fact that very few customers complain that they missed the time period cutoff.
8) It is false to claim that it is difficult for customers to get through to the company’s customer service representatives. In fact, the company has invested significant resources in customer service and has call metrics consistent with industry standards. Nine out of 10 calls are answered within one minute and anyone making even a modest effort to reach customer service will have no problems.
9) It is false to claim that “97% of the time customers are outraged” by the amount offered. In fact, quite the opposite is true. More than 93% of customers cash the Cash4Gold check and are satisfied with the transaction.
10) It is false, insupportable and abhorrent to claim that the company has ever denied receiving an item so that top executives can “get first dibs.” This is tantamount to an accusation of theft and we would encourage anyone with evidence of such a crime to report it to the police. It is simply false, defamatory and irresponsible to make such a claim.

There are clear facts and documents related to these matters and this list does not include every falsehood in the posting.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter. I look forward to hearing back from you with regard to immediate steps you are taking to remove this defamatory content from your site.

Regards,

Weronika

SAYLOR COMPANY
PUBLIC RELATIONS COUNSEL
WERONIKA CWIR
WERONIKA.CWIR@SAYLORCOMPAN

Y.COM
CELL +1 213-493-3013
OFFICE +1 626-794-8606
FAX +1 626-795-9533

Have demand letters really gone to Facebook?

Edited to add again: Contacted again. Seriously? Here? LOL

struggling...

2009-01-30T11:01:00.007-06:00

I absolutely cannot go see "Marley and Me" right now though I have admittedly read the book when it came out. I am at a loss on the end of life dog idea because of the internal struggle I am dealing with my beloved sheltie, Pate. Pate is 13 years old now and suffers from cushing's disease and arthritis. He's not able to walk on hardwood floors. He gets stuck many times and cannot get up. I literally have to carry him outside to get him to go to the bathroom... and the newest issue: anal glands are filling up every few days. I have had 2/3 vets tell me that it's time. I've been battling that decision in my head and heart. So far, it's obvious my heart is winning because he is still here.

There comes a point when a dog owner realizes that maybe they are keeping the dog alive for their own benefit or the inevitable. I'm going to be incredibly sad when he is gone.

ww first week

2009-01-26T12:02:00.000-06:00

It's never fair that women lose weight slower than men. Frustrating, but it's nice that Jeff is doing the program with me. Yes, he lost TEN pounds. Ten. Wow. I lost 5.2 lbs. And yes, that 0.2 lbs is very important! My goal weight is 142 lbs (for Weight Watchers) but I want to be around 135 lbs ultimately and run the half marathon this April. I went running last night and did 3 miles. Not too bad! I did have to walk some because I was doing more of a sprint training than just a normal 10 minute/mile jog. I always feel SO great after a run and do believe the study about running and comparing it to the effects of an SSRI. Running is my prozac! I have 12 lbs to hit WW goal. Not too bad, huh? If I were a man, I would reach that goal in two weeks; however I bet it's going to be 2 months (or more?) for me!

I have to say having your husband do the diet with you makes ALL the difference. He's great willpower and reminds me to count everything.

quick check-in

2009-01-20T07:05:00.000-06:00

I finally bit the bullet and joined Weight Watchers. Jeff is doing it with me, too! I want to lose 15-20 lbs and so far so good. I will say it was not so great timing to get a head cold two days in, but hopefully when I'm through feeling sick, I'll get back to the gym and the half marathon training. I'm doing the Jeff Galloway program which is easier I think than Hal Higdon. We'll see. Off to get rest and feel better...

photography

2009-01-16T16:30:00.000-06:00

Don't mind me, I am just watermarking here and there my favorite pictures I've taken. No, not going into business right now. My pharmacist gig pays quite well! BUT, I do love love love my new hobby, and maybe when I'm forty, it'll be something I can do for part-time cash? Who knows... But some pics I've enjoyed lately:

pictures

2009-01-09T13:37:00.002-06:00

I spent a lot of time yesterday trying to work out my focus issues. No cigar. *sigh* Is it the camera? I can go to ISO 800 and get more sensitivity but then I get more noise.

just a pic

2009-01-08T17:32:00.000-06:00

the dysfunctional family

2009-01-06T12:11:00.003-06:00

The dysfunctional family structure has elements of roles that children will take on and carry into adulthood. I am one of the ones that believes there is nothing that two parents can do to have a perfect home. How can two imperfect people create a perfect family? It's impossible. With that said there are ways to try to figure out why we act the way we do and why family members act the way they do... even later on in life.

One of the roles taken is called the "Hero Child." I know it sounds prestigious and worthy of praise, but in fact it's a prison.

Here is the kind of bargaining that is done within the mind. Everything will be OK if I just:

...be good at everything in school
...make straight A's
...make first chair in band
...keep my room clean
...literally "perform" for visitors to our home
...be the responsible one with the kids on the block
...keep my little brother "in line."

But even if you follow all of these "rules," you as the hero child are doomed to perpetual disappointment.

...no matter how high the levels of achievement, it is never quite "good enough." After years of struggling to be the good child, the other members of the family take your good performance for granted.
... Parents reward the "bad" scapegoat kid with their attention.
...little brothers and sisters still misbehave.

...other kids isolate the hero child with ridicule, labeling him the "goody two shoes"

And worse, over time the other siblings can even become to resent someone who is only doing the steps within the role that fell into their lap. The role for survival or for affection, etc...

The Hero, who is usually the oldest child, is characteristically over-responsible and an over-achiever. The Hero allows the family to be reassured it is doing well, as it can always look to the achievements of the oldest son or daughter as a source of pride and esteem. While the Hero may excel in school, be a leader on the football team or a cheerleader, or obtain well-paying employment, inwardly he or she is suffering from painful feelings of inadequacy and guilt, as nothing he or she does is good enough to heal his family's pain. The Hero's compulsive drive to succeed may in turn lead to stress-related illness, and compulsive over-working. The Hero's qualities of appeasement, helpfulness and nurturing of his or her parents may cause others outside the family to remark upon the child's good character, and obtains him or her much positive attention. But inwardly, the Hero feels isolated, unable to express his or her true feelings or to experience intimate relationship, and is often out of touch with his or her own sources of spirituality.

The Scapegoat, who is often the second born, characteristically acts out in anger and defiance, often behaving in delinquent ways, but inwardly he or she feels hurt in that the family's attention has gone to the Dependent or the Hero, and he or she has been ignored. The Scapegoat's poor performance in school, experimentation with drugs, alcohol, and promiscuous sexuality, flaunting of the conventions of society, or involvement in adolescent gangs or criminal activity may lead him or her to be labeled the family's problem, drawing attention away from the Dependent's addiction. This behavior can also be seen as a cry for help, and it is often the delinquency of the Scapegoat that leads the entire family into treatment. The acting out behavior of the Scapegoat may bring with it substance abuse or addiction to alcohol or drugs, early pregnancy for which he or she is not prepared, or incarceration. The hostile and irresponsible attitude of the Scapegoat may lead him or her into accidents, or acts of violence against others or self. The attitude of defiance may lead him or her to do poorly in school, effecting future employment and the opportunity to earn an adequate income. The Scapegoat's cleverness and manipulation may be used to engage in leadership of peer groups, or in the invention of schemes of dubious legality, or outright criminality, to earn a livelihood. Though the Scapegoat may develop social skills within his or her circle of peers, the relationships he or she experiences tend to be shallow and inauthentic. The Scapegoat, cast in the role of a rebel, may have lost touch with his spiritual potentials and morality, as well.

Understanding how the Scapegoat would resent the Hero Child and vice versa makes perfect sense.

duck

2009-01-05T22:13:00.000-06:00

running on empty

2009-01-05T21:35:00.000-06:00

Wow, I am out of shape. Who would have thought that a true 18 month hiatus from running seriously would cause my body to change? That, coupled with pregnancy, and I have a long road ahead to get where I was back a few years ago. I went to the gym this evening and pounded out almost three miles. I did half of it on an elliptical and the rest running a ten minute mile while listening to Counting Crows. I've definitely missed my love affair with running, especially processing things while I run. It's nice to get back in the routine. I really want to run the half marathon in April. I ran the full nine years ago this year. Amazing how time flies. I'm not really interested in doing the full right now, but the half would be doable. I think?

siblings

2009-01-04T10:11:00.002-06:00

I have to admit that I have feelings of longing of what could have been when I see pictures of happy siblings. Especially siblings who are older and are friends. My brother and I don't have that and some days I can remember things about our relationship and become quite introspective.

When I look back in time it's always obvious that with my brother there is always an element of anger and bitterness in regards to his definition of himself in our family. My part in it is that after his anger toward me in 2002, I never mentally recovered. I would see him or think about him and cringe. I couldn't stand the sound of his voice knowing what he had done to me. I kept trying to figure out what forgiveness was. I still struggle with what it is. I would think of the past and all of the things that he had done to me. He treated me just as the way he wanted. How could he ever say that he loved me as a sister?

Why is it that my brother is not speaking to me or even interested in his nephew NOW? The reason I'm told through the family grapevine is that I sent an email to his ex-wife about the birth of our son and that the email forwarded its way to my brother.

His ex-wife was one of my college roommates before they ever dated. And due to an email he sent me in February that was more "stirring the pot" in regards to what he perceives as his life in our family as a child and the allegations he made, I took a step back from him when Lucas came. Anyone with pregnancy hormones and the arrival of their first child knows how remarkable and life changing it is! I didn't have time for the emotions that had unfolded from him in February in regards to what he was now accusing our parents of... a new drama unfolding... something I had never heard him accuse them of. I didn't like what he was saying. In hindsight the accusations should have gone straight back to him and asked to forward to whom they were made. I had no role in it except to say that perhaps he was looking for anything to sever ties with me. He succeeded.

Over the last 9 months though I have had time to mourn the loss of him in my life. Jeff and I sent him a gift for Christmas that he emailed our mother he never received. It's sad to think I should have paid extra to have it tracked. Should sibling relationships be so flawed and hard? I know that he is happy having no contact and all I want for him is to be happy.

I never would have thought in our thirties our relationship with be even more fractured though his actions in the recent past pushed it that way. My actions in return didn't help at all either. There is two sides to every story.

I ask God almost everyday to make things better with him. It's hard when it seems like God hasn't done anything to help reconciliate. I truly do wish the best for Bill and Megan. I truly do.

In the meantime, I need to be focusing on the ones in my life that I do have around. Lucas has a wonderful Aunt Missy, cousin Paige, and three grandparents that love him. I'm glad Larry has found his way back distantly just for the sake of the newest member of our family. It's been amazing.

I know the day my brother looks into the eyes of his newborn, he will understand what I'm feeling. It is a time for letting go of bitterness and anger and starting again. Realizing your parents did all for you that they could with what they have. If you feel they don't accept you, that's their loss, but don't remove yourself from the ones that would do anything for you. Talk about your feelings. Love on your brothers and sisters. At the end of life it won't matter how much you have but who is around you loving you.

I do need help with letting go of him. It's hard for me to live day to day knowing he's not in my son's life. I can't believe he doesn't care. But, there are ton of other Butler folks that do!

tack sharp

2009-01-03T11:17:00.001-06:00

It's quite frustrating realizing that photography is harder than I thought. There seems to be a level of understand that moves along a continuum. For example, the typical snapshot with a pop up flash is probably the worst photo. I didn't know that and considering 99% of my photos in the past are taken that way, I have a lot of photography "don'ts". So I've moved past "auto" settings and venturing into aperture and very little manual. Verdict? I am not so good. My focus is hit or miss. Let's say I take 100 pictures... 10 MIGHT be in focus. I really need help on getting good focus and not blaming it on a Nikon D40. It really shouldn't matter what camera I have? I really want to learn this camera inside and out and learn manual mode.

The problem is I cannot see how my camera sees. Maybe I need to take a class. Again, who has time for that?

And I'm planning on running the half marathon in April. I don't know if there is enough time in the day for serious learning of photography, training for a half marathon, working 30 hours a week, and taking care of Lucas. I need to clone myself.

vet trip

2009-01-02T18:00:00.000-06:00

I was off work yesterday, and used the opportunity to take my Pate to the vet. We didn't go to the vet that was really leaning more toward euthanasia, but the best vet in Franklin, Dr. Beauchamp. I didn't get in to see him specifically as he was out of town, but I did leave there feeling a little lighter.

It took me back to the first time I met Dr. Beauchamp. Pate was already considered an "older" dog, and Dr. Beauchamp was extremely gentle and kind to him. He has a special way about the way he practices medicine. It's always amazing to meet someone in life who is doing what they are called to do... so many times people are unhappy with their professions in life. Dr. Beauchamp is one of the few that is doing what he loves.

He won me over that day but sealed the deal when just a couple of days later a letter came in the mail personally written from him. Pate has seen countless vets and specialists for his cushing's disease. Not once has a single vet taken the time to personally write a handwritten letter. I really hope I didn't throw the letter away but the gist of it was how honored he was that I chose him to take care of my dear Pate. You can tell he is doing what he loves. I wasn't surprised to see that he had won "Mighty Dog's Vet of the Year" one year.

We left yesterday with another prescription... this time ultram has been added. So now Pate's list of meds include Trilostane (Vetoryl), Rimadyl, and Ultram as needed. The vet I saw told me that it was not time to consider euthanasia. Pate is constipated and therefore has anal gland issues. I know TMI. I am giving him pumpkin (per her recommendation) mixed in with Science Diet Senior to help with all that. No more stim tests for Pate to check on his levels. It's all about less stress and just making his last whatever time with me as pain free as possible. No more diet food. Hopefully I will get another year with my little buddy, but whatever time I have left will be full of love for him. He's been such a devoted little dog!

tomorrow

2009-01-01T22:12:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow I am taking Pate in to another vet to just get a second opinion. His arthritis is so bad. Is the metacam worth going back on? Is the rimadyl a bad medicine for him? My heart breaks listening to him use every ounce of his energy to go up the stairs; one painful step at a time while I listen and remember younger days when he would bounce up stairs with no effort. Age is always a slow process but suddenly adds up. Is Pate really 13? Has 13 years really gone by with great speed? I'm just not ready. I'm not ready.

I am hoping for some hope. Tell me that Pate has another year at least. Tell me that we can somehow manage this and find a magic pill. Tell me my little buddy is not suffering.

I noticed today that he didn't eat his breakfast. Is he smart enough to know I'm watching him and knew I'd reach for the treat dogfood rather than the diet? He gobbled that canned dogfood down without hesitation. He left the diet dogfood he's been on for years untouched. He's still my smart little guy.

another one... ha ha

2009-01-01T22:10:00.001-06:00

pics...

2009-01-01T21:34:00.001-06:00

I'm addicted to taking photos and using photoshop. Someone warned me!

pate

2008-12-30T08:42:00.000-06:00

I remember the first time I looked into the brown eyes of my shetland sheepdog, Pate. It was September 1995, and I was a first year pharmacy student. I definitely didn't have the time or the money to care for a pet, but I spontaneously purchased the pup from a nonreputable breeder in Memphis, TN. He was the runt of the litter of Miss Mischief with White Toes and Mister Beau Zeau. The breeder had nicknamed all the puppies, and Pate's first name was Leaf.

I remember the drive home on the fast Memphis freeway with little Pate in my lap. Peyton Manning was on the radio discussing something about college football as he was the quarterback for the Vols. I thought Pate sounding like a great name for a dog, and I named him "Lil' Boy Pate."

I brought him home to my apartment in Memphis, TN that I was sharing with Carrie my roommate (and also not a dog lover). What a bad roommate of me to buy this dog knowing Carrie and how she felt, but I pushed on in my usual way. Carrie and Pate started a relationship with another that consisted of Pate eating lipstick left on the floor, etc... We laugh about it now, but honestly Carrie... you endured a lot from a little rambunctious puppy who destroyed a lot.

We moved to a highrise apartment. More funny stories about Pate going out on the balcony and just peeing as he didn't want to take the eleven story elevator ride to the ground to the tiny bit of grass outside. The fake outdoor carpet would do. It was a riot but not good for neighbor relations.

Pate and I moved out to Bartlett with my friend Dana. Dana ended up becoming my sister-in-law as she married my brother though they divorced seven years later. Dana and Pate bonded though Dana admitted as Carrie she wasn't a dog person.

Time moves on and I look back thinking about what Pate has meant to me and what we have been through. He was with me during my four years of pharmacy school. He licked my tears during a big breakup and the breakup of my first marriage. He is my buddy and my best friend even now.

In July 2002, Pate was diagnosed with Cushings disease and I immediately sought out an internal specialist vet who would help to guide me into getting his disease under control. I spent a lot of money on tests, etc... We put him on Lysodren for a couple of years until he became resistant and then moved to Vetoryl. He is still on vetoryl today though I haven't had his levels tested lately. I've become more lax with it all due to Pate's age (13) and having the new baby.

Over the past year I have to carry Pate more. He's not able to walk on the hardwood floor very well. He still pants a lot. He still wants to follow his mommy into every room regardless how long it takes. Last week I took him to the vet because he has some sort of anal gland issue going on. Did I mess up by mentioning euthanasia? The vets there seem to be bringing it up again since. I had to take him back yesterday and now he's on antibiotics.

I'm not ready to put Pate down. I asked him yesterday to let me know when he's ready. He is still wagging his tail and eating and hanging out. Is it time? How will I know?

I'm not ready to lose my best friend yet. We still have to have time.

consider the lillies

2008-12-23T07:45:00.001-06:00

My mother enrolled me in piano lessons when I was four years old with a wonderful lady named Jan Smith. I've recently been trying to find her to just reach out and call and let her know how things are going as it's been many, many years since I have heard from her. She took me on as a student much earlier than she liked to, but the prerequesites were that I had to be able to say my ABC's and read. Maybe I was borderline on that one because I feel that music is the first thing I learned to read prior to words. I still have this knack to pull up a sheet of music and just read it, and it feels very second nature to me.

There were countless recitals and performances with this teacher, and sadly I had to move away at the transitional age of twelve where I silently fell apart in a new school. I had a new piano teacher, too, but she was no Jan Smith. Yes, this new teacher was classically trained and impressive. She demanded perfection, short fingernails, and logged hours of practice. It was with her that fell out of love with the piano music I had once loved. When someone is forcing you to do something, sometimes love disappears. It's no longer freewill of learning and creativity but a prison and negative reinforcement. I've never been the type of child or adult that operated well on negative criticism. I can remember my second piano teacher ask me sharply, "Did you practice this week? I can tell you didn't. Your nails are too long. You sound horrid."

Nope. I didn't strive for excellence with her. I did with Jan Smith. Ms. Smith taught me how to fill in and play by ear. She let me write my own music (in my head) and just play it for her after doing the normal lesson. It didn't hurt either that she had a houseful of very handsome boys who all doted on me. (laugh)

One of the songs I played in church was called, "Consider the Lillies." This song was taught to me by Jan Smith where I toyed around with the chords and added in a lot of stuff. All of that made me feel super confident playing it front of what I thought was a large audience. In hindsight, it was just a small country pentecostal church with about 100 members. The lyrics:

Consider the lilies; they don't toil or spin,
But there's not a king with more splendor than them.
Consider the sparrows; they don't plant nor sow,
But they're fed by the Master who watches them grow.

We have a Heavenly Father above
With eyes full of mercy and a heart full of love.
He really cares when your head is bowed low;
Consider the lilies, then you will know.

May I introduce you to this Friend of mine
Who hangs out the stars, tells the sun when to shine.
And kisses the flowers each morning with dew,
Oh, but friend, He's not too busy to care about you!

We have a Heavenly Father above
With eyes full of mercy and a heart full of love.
He really cares when your head is bowed low;
Consider the lilies, then you will know.

Consider the lilies, then you will know.

Which is directly taken from:

Luke 12:22-31 (New American Standard Bible)

22And He said to His disciples, "For this reason I say to you, do not worry about your life, as to what you will eat; nor for your body, as to what you will put on.

23"For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing.

24"Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap; they have no storeroom nor barn, and yet God feeds them; how much more valuable you are than the birds!

25"And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life's span?

26"If then you cannot do even a very little thing, why do you worry about other matters?

27"Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; but I tell you, not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.

28"But if God so clothes the grass in the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, how much more will He clothe you? You men of little faith!

29"And do not seek what you will eat and what you will drink, and do not (G)keep worrying.

30"For all these things the nations of the world eagerly seek; but your Father knows that you need these things.

31"But seek His kingdom, and these things will be added to you.

Great verses for these times of recession. If the lillies are considered how much more are we?

planned parenthood tax deduction

2008-12-23T06:55:00.000-06:00

Seriously?

Read here.

There really are no words for this. You can get a tax write-off for monies given for abortion. I mean, come on! This is what really irks me. It is one thing about the moral argument, etc...

Right now on their website it says, "The exam room is no place to play political games" referring to a decision by Bush Planned Parenthood is attacking. The usual spinning of things.

Does anyone out there even for a nano-second stop to think of the unborn fetus and what is REALLY taking place in those exam rooms?

Adoption is such a better alternative. Congrats to Joy and Chris who just adopted their first child, a girl, and an even bigger congrats to their birth parents who did the RIGHT thing.

sports media and the titans

2008-12-21T15:01:00.000-06:00

It's quite obvious to me watching the game between the Titans and the Steelers today that the media does NOT want the Titans to win. The Titans have been ahead for quite awhile and the following quotes:

"Well the Steelers aren't out yet. They always come back at the end."
"The Steelers are positive with all the injuries they have had as they mimic the same year they played in the Super Bowl." WHAT?!
"You may see these terrible towels again in a few weeks."
"These Steelers just don't quit."

It's almost as if they know there will be more viewers in a Steelers Super Bowl than a Titans one.

lucas crawls today

2008-12-20T21:33:00.000-06:00

Lucas is becoming mobile. My mind immediately dances about trying to figure out how I'm going to adjust my life and the way I do things (particularly when no one else is here to watch him) to ensure that he won't crawl somewhere and get in trouble. First thing on my agenda is to purchase another playpen for the bedroom. I have one downstairs that is proving to already be a help when needing to do something, oh like go to the bathroom?

Some particular dates I meant to write down in his baby book today: 11/11 - first tooth. 12/10 - second tooth. 12/20 - first "real crawl" though his Nana swears he crawled on his Daddy's birthday.

that magic moment

2008-12-17T22:24:00.000-06:00

You know you've fallen in love with photography when a photo is captured. I try really hard to get it right and rarely do. Enters hubby borrowing my camera and taking this shot. And me performing some photo editing magic.

Before and after...

PSE

2008-12-16T22:27:00.000-06:00

Trying my hand at photo editing. Addictive. Fun. Keeping me up at night.

a new stocking

2008-12-16T15:07:00.000-06:00

global warming hits the south

2008-12-16T12:28:00.000-06:00

Last night I drifted off to sleep with visions "ice, snow, and below freezing temperatures" dancing in my head. I thought ahead to Christmas and thought... could we possibly have a white Christmas this year? Has the weather pattern finally shifted to a cooler trend that seems to cycle every 20 years or so? Can I drive over to Al Gore's house in Nashville and buy some carbon offsets just for a good laugh?

Unfortunately, the ice missed us, but it's ok. I still have last week's snow pictures to tide me over...

thankfulness

2008-12-16T08:58:00.001-06:00

churches can be lonely places...

2008-12-15T20:15:00.000-06:00

The church has been on my mind a lot lately, and I don't mean just one particular church but the entire body of Christ, the Church. I think a lot about the functions and purpose of the Church in my life and how I have basically wandered about for years and years. I guess you could say I left Egypt and wandered across Jordan only to be wandering around in the wilderness. It's time I left the wilderness for good. For those of you not Christians, it's hard to even explain what I'm saying except to say that I'm really itching to have a church to really get involved with and to grow.

We visited a new church on Sunday, and I enjoyed it immensely. The pastor certainly has a heart for song and worship and is a great speaker. More than that, the people were sincere and friendly. I have NEVER been one to want to raise my hand should a pastor ask for first time visitors to raise their hands and be recognized. There I was raising my hand. AND I didn't get hives.

I'm hopeful, to say the least, but have some other leads if this one doesn't work out.

teachers...

2008-12-06T11:35:00.000-06:00

Teachers have been on my mind lately. I do believe teachers are underpaid and underappreciated, and I would like to appreciate a few that have made an impact on my life.

1. Dent Yarbro - I will admit that I had a bit of a crush on him as a little sixth grader. Not only was he a great English teacher, he also encouraged and gave us all positive reinforcement. He made me feel like an English expert. I tried, in the past, to find him to send a letter of appreciation, but I have had no luck. Maybe one day he'll google himself and see this post. He taught at Fifth Consolidated Elementary School and then went on to become the principal at Dyer County High School in Tennessee. I believe he retired as the Superintendent of Dyer County Schools.

2. Larry Russell - Adamsville High School science teacher. I really enjoyed him as a teacher, and I learned a lot. I owe him helping to spark an interest in chemistry that continued all the way to college where I majored in Chemistry. Looking at the AHS website, I see he's no longer teaching.

3. Dr. Anthony Harmon - University of Tennessee at Martin professor. He, too, took his retirement this past spring and has moved back to OK to be closer to family. He was instrumental in showing me the way to a career in pharmacy, one I had not considered. I remember telling him I was interested in research but he reminded me gently that I was an extrovert. I might go crazy in a lab! He was right... Thanks to him, I am a pharmacist.

You know time is passing when all three of your influential teachers are now retired. I hope the ones that replaced them are at least half as good! What an impact all three of them made upon my life.

family portrait

2008-12-04T16:53:00.002-06:00

the large family

2008-11-30T13:35:00.001-06:00

I have to admit... at the age of 25, a large family was something that I would not consider. Today? I regret that I won't have a big family. The main reason is because a big family is such a blessing. If one child (as an adult) decides to not come in for Christmas? No big deal... there are a lot more coming. Grandchildren? Tons. Family has really been dwindled into a tiny unit of only children, etc... And if every single person is an only child (as in China) there are no more aunts and uncles which means no cousins. We don't have a mandated one child rule as China, but we do have more and more economical restraints where the husband and wife both must work. Childcare is very expensive. The next thing you know the first idea to go is the number of children you can (conceiveably) handle. I always expressed as a child that I wanted three boys. I was a tomboy, and boys fit that stereotype. Today? I have one son and hope for another child.

I have watched the Duggars and their super-huge family. I wonder, "How in the world do they do it?" It's amazing really that they have 18 children! I know it's more than I wanted, but I can't but be a teensy bit envious of that large love.

Maybe next time it WOULD be twins...

tagged

2008-11-29T20:21:00.001-06:00

Thanks Stacey for tagging me. I'm supposed to post the fourth picture in the fourth folder on my computer. I assumed the pictures folder, since that's where all the pics are. Here's Lucas of course... with some fabulous drool. I'll tag Amber and Genevieve!

a photo blog

2008-11-28T17:18:00.000-06:00

I've always wanted to have a photo blog and spent some time setting it up and linking it in my links section. Hope you like!

My Amateur Photography (and I mean amateur!)

thankfulness

2008-11-27T21:11:00.000-06:00

It's always nice to pause in life and think about all the things I have to be thankful for. It is quite easy for me, unfortunately, to look at the glass half empty. I have a fractured relationship with my brother. I need to lose about 10 lbs. I want to save more money. On and on... but today is the day to look at thing differently. Thankfulness is something that I believe Americans have a hard time with. We constantly are trying to keep up with the Jones' with the newest and trendiest. We work everyday to buy more stuff that we don't even need. Today, I'm thankful for:

God for sending His Son to die on a cross for all of our sins. I am thankful that I can wake up in the wee hours of the morning to nurse my son and pray simultaneously. It's an interruption to get up during the night, but an interruption that I have found meaning and purpose. Prayer changes people and things.
My husband who is the perfect man for me. He is kind and patient with me.
My son who was well worth the wait. I can't remember life before him.
My family: Mom, Dad, and the rest. I've got a wonderful family and hoping that things will improve with my brother though as of today, still haven't heard from him since February. He still hasn't met his nephew. I have to focus on it being HIS loss and not ours. These are sweet times.
My job. It fell into my lap and is perfect for me.

running

2008-11-26T21:21:00.000-06:00

Ouch. I went to the gym and realized that I am out of shape. I mean, I knew I was out of shape, but I didn't know that I was unable to run a whole mile! This coming from someone that used to run 3 miles with no problem.

So back to it. I'm going to run a lot this week while I can. Hubby is off work all week and I'm off until Tuesday. I hope to log in 10 miles between now and Tuesday.

blackberry storm review

2008-11-25T10:52:00.000-06:00

It seems that the overwhelmingly reviews on google blog search is negative for this new phone that hit the streets on the 21st of November. I ordered one online since my new in 2 contract was up, and I was ready to trade in the Treo 650 for something better. I still want an iPhone. I just don't want AT&T and refuse to give up service for a phone. So, I went with the Storm.

Upon first opening the box, well I should say my husband opening the box (laugh), it was easy to install the battery and plug in. The first hour or two was difficult managing the screen, but it's become easier now. It makes me wonder if all the negative reviews are from people that didn't give the device time.

Some reviews:

Walt Mossberg. The Wall Street Journal. BlackBerry’s Storm Presses Into the Touch-Phone Fray: Mixed positive. He likes the high-res camera (which does video), the replaceable battery, the push e-mail, the ability to cut-and-paste, the corporate security features and Verizon’s 3G network — an improvement over AT&T’s (T). He misses Wi-Fi, however, and he’s not particularly fond of the so-called SurePress touchscreen. “The feature does provide a more reassuring confirmation that a key has been struck or an icon has been clicked than the mere visual feedback one receives from the iPhone. But neither I, nor any of the several BlackBerry addicts I asked to try it out, considered typing on the Storm’s keyboard to be very similar to using the keyboard of a traditional full-sized BlackBerry.” (link)

Joshua Topolsky. Engadget. BlackBerry Storm review: “The selling points are easy: the phone is gorgeous to look at and hold, it’s designed and backed by RIM (now almost a household name thanks to their prevalence in the business and entertainment markets), and it’s packed with features that, at first glance, make it seem not only as good as the iPhone, but better. The only hitch in this plan is a major one: it’s not as easy, enjoyable, or consistent to use as the iPhone, and the one place where everyone is sure they have an upper hand — that wow-inducing clickable screen — just isn’t all that great.” (link)

Daniel Dumas. Wired.com. RIM’s First Touchscreen Device Almost Eclipses the iPhone: “WIRED Click screen is a revelation for touch compatible devices. Converts iTunes to BlackBerry media without breaking a sweat. Included GSM card means the Storm is a true globetrotter - it can work in virtually any foreign port. Photos, video, and text pop like Ice Cube’s AK (on a bad day). Posh fit and finish look rich enough to buy YOU dinner. — TIRED OS lag on a piece of hardware this gorgeous is unacceptable. Scrolling through menus is jagged, slow, and pokey. Accelerometer sometimes takes a good 5-10 seconds to orient itself. Lack of Wi-Fi is lame. Verizon’s totalitarian control over the Storm’s OS is even lamer.” (link)

Yardena Arar. PC World. BlackBerry’s Storm: Awkward and Disappointing: “The decision by Research in Motion to differentiate the Storm by giving its capacitive touch screen a mechanical component (the entire screen functions as a button for confirming selections or initiating actions) turns out to be more confusing than helpful. Ultimately, the Storm’s touch interface feels like a failed experiment. — It’s too bad, because the Storm has some nice features and makes a great first impression.” (link)

The Boy Genius. The Boy Genius Report. Verizon BlackBerry Storm review: “The good thing is that this is, afterall, a BlackBerry, and once you get past accepting that there will be some hiccups, it’s really not all that bad. It’s a great phone, a very good device for email, a really good media player, and a decent web browsing machine. You’ll just have to decide what your priorities are in a mobile device and see if the Storms meets that.” (link)

microchips

2008-11-25T08:56:00.000-06:00

Growing up in a rural area of the country and going to church in an old pentecostal church, there were sermons galore of the End Times. Most of the time these sermons were not about Heaven and how beautiful and glorious it'll be but more about the conditions on Earth - one of which included the "Mark of the Beast."

As a child, sermons and discussions about the End Times and Tribulation bothered me. Everyone was looking for "signs." Israel no longer a nation. The elimination of currency. Direct deposit thus doing away with money and the only accepted way to "get paid" though at the time direct deposit didn't have a "name." The list goes on and on. I always listened to these sermons and filed things away. I was warned, "Never take the Mark of the Beast."

What is the Mark of the Beast? Back then, it was hypothesized that the Mark was a chip that was put into your hand or head to force everyone to buy or sell with this chip. There was no more tangible money, so it would make sense. It made sense to me! Of course! Missing persons would be located by the chip with a satellite (GPS appears). Illegal drugs would diminish. Cash would be gone... perhaps opening the way for bartering with goods? This is what I was taught to look for.

I've always been quite neutral on the whole topic 100% respecting the views of those that taught this but at the same time realizing that the technology was coming and imagine the chips used to bring home a pet could bring home a missing child, though it could also start a whole new trend of kidnappers digging out those chips, cutting off hands, etc... Crazy thoughts.

Then the news today:

WORLD IN BRIEF: Bill targets AIDS patients

From News Services

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Lawmakers in Indonesia’s remote Papua province have thrown their support behind a controversial bill requiring some HIV/AIDS patients to be implanted with microchips —- part of extreme efforts to monitor the disease. Legislator John Manangsang said by implanting small computer chips beneath the skin of “sexually aggressive” patients, authorities would be in a better position to identify, track and ultimately punish those who deliberately infect others. If the proposed legislation gets a majority vote as expected, it will be enacted next month, he said.

Chavez declares vote a mandate

President Hugo Chavez on Monday said his allies’ victories in state and local elections mean Venezuelans want him to press ahead with his socialist policies. Pro-Chavez candidates held on to gubernatorial posts in 17 states in Sunday’s voting, but the oft-battered opposition also gained by winning five of the 23 states, including the two biggest —- Miranda and Zulia —- as well as mayoral races in the two largest cities, Caracas and Maracaibo.

Crisis worse than Carter expected

South African President Kgalema Motlanthe warned Monday that the situation in neighboring Zimbabwe could “implode and collapse” and announced a new round of talks to help resolve the crisis. Former U.S. President Jimmy Carter, meeting in South Africa with charity, donor and civil leaders from Zimbabwe, said the crisis appears to be much worse than anything ever imagined.

Refugees victims of looting, shooting

Soldiers went on an overnight looting and shooting spree in a sprawling Congolese refugee camp, stealing from hungry and traumatized people who have fled fighting in the Democratic Republic of Congo’s east, witnesses said Monday. They said one woman was killed by a stray bullet Sunday night in Kibati, a village north of the eastern provincial capital of Goma that has been overrun by about 70,000 refugees.

Ties between countries cut back

North Korea detailed plans Monday to radically curtail ties with South Korea, announcing the end of daily cross-border train service and tours of a historic city in response to what it called Seoul’s “confrontational” policies since conservative, pro-U.S. President Lee Myung-bak took office in Seoul in February. North Korea’s army also said it will expel some South Koreans from a joint industrial zone but stopped short of closing the South Korean-run factories that are a key source of hard currency for the impoverished nation.

Made me think and remember today.

an enthusiastic lucas meets santa

2008-11-24T10:01:00.000-06:00

rhymes

2008-11-23T08:00:00.000-06:00

Someone's got WAY too much time on their hands...

those friends on the internet are not real

2008-11-22T15:17:00.000-06:00

I beg to differ. There are real live people sitting behind their computer screens typing and back and forth their joys and sorrows, etc... It's almost as if you can drive in your car and visit a friend or just hop on the internet and visit another.

I find it sad that a young man hopped on that same internet to announce he was committing suicide. How sad that everyone that watched him collapsed on a bed never once took into consideration that on the other end of that computer web cam was a real life passing away. I don't hold all those people accountable; we all assume that those on the other end are not real.

I guess it's time to take inventory and redefine those friends online.

month 7

2008-11-21T18:12:00.004-06:00

Dear Lukie,

You are such a sweet little boy with bright blue eyes and a tooth barely popping out as of 11/11/08. You are more aware of your surroundings, constantly move your chubby little hands, and seemingly never want to nap during the day as to not miss a thing. You know what kisses are and lean in when I pucker my lips. What a sweet joy!

You can crawl backwards, though very slowly. You can roll and tumble as a log to go where you need to go. You love bananas and pears and have a complete disdain for most vegetables. You love to nurse still which is still the most ironic thing for me!

If I am working upstairs and someone babysitting you, and I come downstairs, you immediately find me and start fussing. You absolutely love your mommy and daddy.

I can take you anywhere right now. You are easy to deal with. You only cry when hungry or tired though I believe teething may change that I'm noticing.

You started sleeping through the night again 4 nights ago. I've been in heaven recharging my batteries. It's very tough in the beginning with a baby and one day when you are a Daddy you will find out! Parents really do go through a lot for their little ones.

You still haven't met your Uncle Billy and several distant relatives on your Papa's side. Maybe Uncle Billy will come around, but he's missed out on you by his own choice. It makes me sad because he would have loved you right now had he not held such big grudges against family for no reason. One thing I've learned is never hold a grudge against family. Yes, they will do things that a friend wouldn't do. But, they are family. I hope that you will have a forgiving heart and peacemaker soul like your father. Your daddy could work through any conflict with his soft heart.

I am so glad you are in my life. Just as they say, I cannot imagine life before you. I hope that you grow up to become a wonderful man just like your daddy and a lot of your Papa, too. We can't wait to get you on the golf course so that I can brush up on my golf game. It's been a year this month since I held a golf club!

Your cheeks are chubby. So many times I will put your little chunky foot in my mouth and pretend to gnaw on it. You will squeal with delight. What a joy!

Just yesterday you refused to sleep in your crib during the morning nap. You fell asleep on me. I sure love you cuddle bug!

james robert

2008-11-21T16:31:00.000-06:00

I miss my grandfather. I miss his rugged and worn face, his large hands that were callused and rough, and his smile which would brighten a day. I miss the feeling of watching him and wondering what he was thinking and wanting to hug him though he wasn't a touchy-feely kind of man. When I finally did cave and hug him, he would always melt. I miss watching his grow softer in emotion as he aged. I miss his simple wisdom. I miss watching him pick up pecans off the ground from his numerous pecan trees in the front yard. I miss watching him with various strays that found themselves in his care. I miss the grease beneath his fingernails from years and years of being a mechanic. I miss his brown eyes, only two pair in a sea of blues and greens in the family. I miss the conversation about his blood thinners and taking his diabetes medicine exactly at the correct time. He never would take them even 5 minutes early or late! I miss his quiet faith in God. I miss hearing him argue with his mother-in-law who passed away just a handful of years prior to him. I miss that on the outside you'd think they didn't get along at all and in the next step, he's driving his mother-in-law to shop on the weekends. He loved her. I miss his hushpuppies and fried catfish in the summer. I miss Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner with him. I miss watching him cuddle and hold babies. He had such a soft spot for them.

This holiday season marks another one without the "rock" of our family. I know that one day I'll see him again, and I cannot wait!

sleep training

2008-11-20T21:41:00.002-06:00

It's very tough to start trying to sleep train Lucas. In fact, I've been horrible at it in the past usually caving and putting the baby on my chest while I'm on the couch and just napping with him. We've gotten away from that but in the meantime, the nighttime sleep has been horrible. We've got nighttime going well, but daytime is hurting again. Basically today I took a nap with him from noon to 1:30pm. Suffice it to say it doesn't help on the training per se', but it was nice to relive sweet little naps with my little man.

us

2008-11-19T10:20:00.002-06:00

It's hard for me sometimes to look at myself in pictures and not scrutinize every single flaw. I would love to lose another 20 lbs. It's hard to do that while nursing. However, just as my previous post, hindsight IS 20/20. I look back in time and think, "I didn't look as bad as I thought." I do hate obsessing over such details. I'm healthy. I have a healthy husband and son. Things are going well yet somehow in regards to me, I see the flaws. I really want to work on that perception thing.

So here are a couple of pictures...

I cannot wait to get the originals. Especially the ones of Lucas and Jeff.

a sneak peek

2008-11-18T13:03:00.001-06:00

He's growing WAY too fast... more to come!

hindsight

2008-11-17T14:42:00.002-06:00

You know the old saying, "Hindsight is 20/20." It's true. It definitely is. I sit and think back to a time just two years ago when many things I believed were shaken and tried. I really hated with the very core of my being that I could not explain why God chose not to heal a miscarriage in progress back in February 2007. I could not understand how it is I can believe one thing with the very core of my being and with the next breath not receive what it is I am praying and begging for.

I was taught from a young age that Jesus still heals, and I still believe that. Although our American society doesn't believe this for the most part, or rather it is our rationalizations of what is healing, etc... we just don't experience this as much. Perhaps it is just true disbelief. I BELIEVED. I really did. I really wanted to have an experience yet again that would match up with how I believe. Something I can point to and say, "See.... here is what God has done." Maybe it's that I wanted more validity in what I believe. I wanted truth and healing all in one big swoop. But, I was left crying in my living room on the couch beneath a big mirror over the fireplace where now hangs a portrait of Lucas. The very place I collapsed now holds new hope. It's like the old song, "Unanswered Prayers." Sometimes we do have to thank God for them.

Whatever it is that you are going through today that seems so disastrous, keep in mind that in a little bit of time it will all make sense. At least the new gifts and healings given and those not given. There's always a season under heaven and a reason things don't go the way I want.

drug errors

2008-11-16T13:06:00.000-06:00

Drug errors are a scary thing when you are in the medical field. Not only are there just keystroke errors in order entry, there are also errors in how a physician my write the prescription, errors on how the nurse may give the medication, and errors on the pharmacists' side. It's a wonder at all that a drug comes out 100% correct considering all the human involvement. I don't want my job going to robots... but maybe a robot would be more accurate on the stupid errors. You know, the errors that when you see them you think, "Whaaaaaaa?"

More than 1.5 million are injured yearly.

Top ten errors according to the Institute of Medicine:

Insulin (8%);
Anticoagulants (6.2%);
Amoxicillin (s) (4.3%);
Aspirin (2.5%);
Trimethoprim-sulfamethoxazole (2.2%);
Hydrocodone/acetaminophen (2.2%);
Ibuprofen (2.1%);
Acetaminophen (1.8%);
Cephalexin (1.6%); and
Penicillin (1.3%).

Inderal and Adderrall
Zyrtec and Zantac
Celebrex and Cerebyx

See the issues?

No Fail Fudge

2008-11-15T17:23:00.001-06:00

No Fail Fudge

No Fail Fudge
Ingredients
3 (6-ounce) packages semi-sweet chocolate chips (3 cups)
1 (14-ounce) can Sweetened Condensed Milk (NOT evaporated milk)
Dash salt
1/2 to 1 cup chopped nuts
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Instructions
In heavy saucepan, over low heat, melt chips with Sweetened
Condensed Milk and salt. Remove from heat; stir in nuts and vanilla.
Spread evenly into waxed paper lined 8- or 9-inch square pan. Chill
2 hours or until firm.
Turn fudge onto cutting board; peel off paper and cut into squares.
Store covered in refrigerator.

clarification

2008-11-14T21:41:00.000-06:00

I wanted to clarify myself on an earlier post about churches. I realize that a person should go to church because they love God, etc... BUT there is also a mandate of fellowship with other Christians. How can you fellowship when you are not a part of the group? It's hard to fit in where I am going right now. There are two particular couples that I have noticed there. I'm thinking one of them probably feels like me. They seem new as well. The other couple I've met twice, yet if I walk by them since, there's not a hello or anything. I really think that God is trying to tell me to move on. I wish I knew of a church that believed like me AND was fairly close to me. And not too large. And FRIENDLY.

thoughts...

2008-11-13T21:30:00.000-06:00

A church's role in the community should be to reach out and make their community better. The congregation should be made of people that genuinely want to reach out to others. I'm finding that it's hard to find that in close proximity to where I live. The church we attend is nice, but there's something missing. It's missing the warmth of genuinely wanting to reach out and remember me the next time. It's missing order. I'm a little bummed about it but it may be that the pastor I grew up with really knows how to run a church and no one will ever compare.

I feel nervous to ever leave Lucas in their nursery because when I was there last time, the lady keeping the nursery asked someone she didn't even know to watch the child that was already there as she led another adult to show her where the bathrooms were across the building. Red flag on top of red flag.

Not only that, the couples my age don't reach out to new people. It's way too cliquey for me, I think. And, I'm sad about that.

song my grandmother sang

2008-11-12T21:38:00.000-06:00

sttn

2008-11-11T14:06:00.000-06:00

No doubt about it, the gap between what our culture teaches us to expect of the sleep patterns of a young child (read them a story, tuck them in, turn out the light, and not see them again for 8 hours) and the reality of how children actually sleep if healthy and normal, yawns widely.

But the first steps to dealing with the fact that your young child doesn't sleep through the night, or doesn't want to sleep without you is to realize that:

* (1) Not sleeping through the night until they are 3 or 4 years of age is normal and healthy behavior for human infants.
* (2) Your children are not being difficult or manipulative, they are being normal and healthy, and behaving in ways that are appropriate for our species.

Once you understand these simple truths, it becomes much easier to deal with parenting your child at night. Once you give up the idea that you must have 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night, and view these nighttime interactions with your child as precious and fleeting, you get used to them very quickly.

Ahhh... the idea of sleeping through the night at 7 months. It is completely normal that he has not adjusted to that yet.

I am starting to view the nighttime wakings as precious and fleeting as mentioned. I do gaze at him in the wee hours of the morning (2am) and think, "Someday, this will turn into me waiting up to make sure you have driven home safely, little Lucas."

red sox nation

2008-11-10T20:52:00.000-06:00

I was able to take some shots today with Lucas holding a baseball. We had his 7 month pictures taken yesterday. We're doing them a month behind to capture milestones more than his actual age. Just think, next time, he'll be pulling up and crawling.

my election reaction

2008-11-10T13:52:00.000-06:00

I know it's been almost a week since Obama was elected President of the US, but I haven't had the time to really think about how I feel about it. I stayed up watching the election when Lucas went to sleep. Jeff was out of town, and when Ohio was called for Obama, I knew it was over.

I truly like the checks and balances aspect to our government; however, this year looks like we're back to 1993 when Clinton took over office. We swing back and forth, and it's time that Democrats took back over. I'd rather that the Supreme Court justices stay put for awhile, but I bet a couple will retire with Obama's win.

If you see the chart below, you'll see how we swing back and forth. I'm not one of the ones saying that it's the end of democracy as we know it. I realize that the President has some power, but it's not a dictatorship as much as Bush's enemies would like to say it was with him in office.

Year	Congress	President	Senate (100)	House (435)
2007	110th	R	D - 51**	D - 233
2005	109th	R	R - 55	R - 232
2003	108th	R	R - 51	R - 229
2001	107th	R	D*	R - 221
1999	106th	D	R - 55	R - 223
1997	105th	D	R - 55	R - 228
1995	104th	D	R - 52	R - 230
1993	103rd	D	D - 57	D - 258
1991	102nd	R	D - 56	D - 267
1989	101st	R	D - 55	D - 260
1987	100th	R	D - 55	D - 258
1985	99th	R	R - 53	D - 253
1983	98th	R	R - 54	D - 269
1981	97th	R	R - 53	D - 242
1979	96th	D	D - 58	D - 277
1977	95th	D	D - 61	D - 292
1975	94th	R	D - 60	D -291
1973	93rd	R	D - 56	D - 242
1971	92nd	R	D - 54	D - 255
1969	91st	R	D - 57	D - 243
1967	90th	D	D - 64	D - 247
1965	89th	D	D - 68	D - 295
1963	88th	D	D - 66	D - 259
1961	87th	D	D - 64	D - 263
1959	86th	R	D - 65	D -283
1957	85th	R	D - 49	D - 232
1955	84th	R	D - 48	D - 232
1953	83rd	R	R - 48	D - 221
1951	82nd	D	D - 49	D - 235
1949	81st	D	D - 54	D - 263
1947	80th	D	R - 51	R - 246
1945	79th	D	D - 57	D - 242

Yellow years mark Presidential

Sleepy Town

2008-11-09T13:03:00.001-06:00

Little man just doesn't like to go to Sleepy Town during the day. He would rather stay awake and fuss and not miss anything; however, a sleeping baby makes a happier baby and mommy. It's tough though to try to get him to go to sleep. Sometimes it takes five minutes; other times it takes thirty minutes or more. Today was over thirty minutes. I'm a little bit frazzled. We have scheduled today Lucas' 6 months pictures. He's 7 months old but we're doing them basically a month late. Sort of like he came a month early and his milestones are corresponding better to putting them off a month. This time it's sitting up. We have three outfits for him and hoping to find some nice red and yellow leaves to really make this fall shot a great one. We had to reschedule from Friday due to rain. Today is overcast, but it may work out better as far as avoiding squinty eyes, etc...

generations

2008-11-08T13:05:00.001-06:00

This is Lucas being held by his great-grandmother, Lorene.

It's been tough for me to imagine taking Lucas on a long car ride. But, yesterday we did it. My dad's family is from west Tennessee, and they all live within 10 minutes of one another. With that said, when it's time to get together, it's expected that we drive there since we're the ones that live the furthest out. So, we oblige. This Thanksgiving I'm on call and Christmas we're staying here just because I want the tradition of being at home for Christmas. It feels good that we've made this decision though I would love for everyone to meet Lucas... they are just going to have to drive to meet him!

Yesterday, we drove to Dyersburg for Lucas to meet his great-grandmother. I wish that he could have meet Granny (my great-grandmother) and my grandfather, but they passed away while I was in college. I have a couple of old handmade quilts that my great-grandmother made. I know I need to treat them better, but they are hand sewn rather unevenly, etc... and the patches come from all of her old dresses. You can imagine.

The trip went well yesterday. Lucas was a doll all the way there. We stopped halfway there and I changed him, etc... I just entertained him and talked to him rather than using a DVD or anything. I really want to avoid that sort of entertainment until he's older. I've been backing off the TV with him quite a bit lately just because of studies I'm reading. We arrived around noon and my grandmother had made a Mexican meal. Yum!

My grandmother, Lucas' great-grandmother, held onto him for most of the visit. It was precious. I wish now in hindsight she would have been here for a week when I came home with him. I could have used the help and I believe that she would have really encouraged me. I regret that I didn't reach out. I definitely will if we have #2.

My Aunt Brenda was there and her neighbor. My Mom and Dad made the drive as well. We really enjoyed ourselves and glad Jeff drove us in the backseat!

dog kisses

2008-11-07T13:18:00.000-06:00

tomorrow he's 7 months old

2008-11-06T09:25:00.000-06:00

It is always bittersweet the day before another number is added to age in months. The last six months of Lucas' life have been phenomenal and amazing. I have watched this little baby from 6 pounds, 2 ounces to now well over 17 pounds I'm sure. I've watched his face change, his fuzzy white hair start coming in, and his face become more animated. Almost daily there is a change I notice as his mother. I constantly remind myself to document, memorize, and cherish. This moment in time is just that... a brief moment of a year where so many things change in a baby's life. He is still as all 6-7 month olds very dependent on someone caring for him. He can move a little bit, but still no real crawling yet. This may be a blessing in disguise!

I'm very happy that Lucas still likes to be in my lap and cuddle. I'm glad that he is not a fast nurser and that he's more of a cuddler and loves the warmth and other things he gets from nursing (rather than just milk). I do believe he is proof that a baby who starts out on the bottle isn't necessarily a baby that won't nurse. Maybe it should be that it's a more difficult road. Either way, I feel that Lucas gets all nurturing from nursing rather than just nutrition as many babies tend to transition to a very fast efficient feed around this time. Though it is TIRING at best, it's well worth it for Lucas and for me. I will admit that now that we've started Stage 2 solids this week, I DO know that the waking up in 4 hours after bedtime is just for that nurturing stuff and NOT the nutrition; however, I have been just assuring him and giving him his pacifier and he goes back to sleep. I do want a full night sleep sometime in 2008. I can count how many 6+ hours sleep on two hands. Lucas will grow up with me reminding him that he wasn't a big sleeper!

I've noticed that Lucas reaches for things with his left hand more than his right hand. I'm not sure if it's something that would show up this early, but my Dad noticed it as well, without me pointing it out. We may have a lefty on our hands! Not a bad thing. Phil does well in golf after all, right?

I think that it's time for me to chronicle my days. I get up somewhere between midnight and 2 am. I used to feed him at that time and pump at 3 am. Those were the days I didn't sleep much and was literally the walking dead. Sometime in August, this changed. I started nursing as he finally latched. Those middle of the night feeds happened but were much more streamlined. No more feeding him a bottle, changing him, burping him (30 mins) and then turn around and pump for 20 mins. That 20 mins was saved for sleep. Over time again sometime in September, he started stretching out his sleeping to 4 am or 5 am and that middle of the night feed transitioned to a 10 pm to 11 pm night feed. I was still awake. Amazing how much better one feels after 5 hours in a row rather than 3 hours. May our next baby be a sleeper!

Today, I wake up around 4-5 am because Lucas wakes me up. I feed him forever and ever it seems with the goal in mind of him going back to sleep. Some days I'm successful. It's always nice when that successful day is a Tuesday when I have a nanny come over to keep him. That way when I log onto work at 6 am, there's just a sleeping baby in the next room rather than a baby needing attention when I have no one in town to help me. (It will be interesting to see the crawling baby and dealing with this issue. I really need another pack-n-play for the upstairs with toys galore).

Usually then I put him on a blanket in the bathroom and shower and get ready for the day. He's usually still in that place between sleep and awake, and I can get by with it. Once upon a time when I'd blow out my hair carefully taking up to 20 minutes has turned into flipping it upstairs and drying it as fast as possible. I've cut another 1-2 inches off and it seems to have helped on drying time. I apply makeup fast. Less than 5 minutes. Then it's the trek downstairs. I carry Lucas and Theo at once while watching to make sure that Pate makes it without falling. See I have two really old dogs. Pate cannot up stairs very well unless they are carpeted. Theo cannot go down stairs at all anymore.

I put Lucas in his swing. (What will I do when he grows out of it?) I carry Theo and Pate outside the back. Jake, only 7 years old now, bounds outside with all of the energy that the older two once enjoyed. I struggle daily with wondering how Pate and Theo will leave this world. I think it's close to time for Pate to be put down. How could I ever do that? It's a whole different topic for sure... something I struggle with watching him limp from room to room. I've laid a path of mismatched rugs from the stairs to the back door to the den. It doesn't look well but it helps him function around like an elderly person with a walker. He's a reminder of how we'll all be if we live long enough... an old body that doesn't work the way it used to.

Theo will usually catch a second wind outside and jump around like a rabbit. He's 17 this December. That's pretty unheard of for a dog!

Theo can walk back up the deck stairs. I still have to carry Pate. Lucas is still swinging in his swing. Everyone still within sight. Jake appears. Spunky maltese.

Medicine time. Pate and Theo get their rimadyl. Pate gets his vetoryl. I take my vitamins. Lucas gets his prevacid. Usually this makes Lucas cry because it's cherry flavored and he wants more. He doesn't know it's a drug! LOL Then I start my decaf coffee. By this time we're heading toward 7:30 am. I pick up Lucas and put him in his exersaucer. He loves that thing right now. I play with him for an hour or so. He gets tired. He goes to sleep. Sometimes this is an ordeal, sometimes not. Today and yesterday it was. Maybe tomorrow it will be better.

While he sleeps I tell myself I should nap, too. I rarely do. I usually read, watch TV, or just think about things.

This routine is making his first year pass way too quickly for my taste!

100 things about me

2008-11-05T08:57:00.000-06:00

Thanks to G , here I go. This was very hard!

1. I have bungee jumped twice. Both times I felt like I was going to die. It was especially interesting that one of the two jumps had a big inflatable pad that said, "Have you gotten everything right with Jesus?"

2. My first memory of life is outside an old country church with about 30 people. I had continued to misbehave and talk out loud during church when my father had to take me outside for a little spanking. I think it's funny it's my first memory and I joke around with my dad now that that was when life began. I was probably around four.

3. The same church didn't believe in taking medicine when sick. My parents didn't believe that way. I remember the Sunday school teacher lining us up in the front of the church and asking each of us about a tummy ache or a headache we had and what our parents did. The stories continued, "Momma prayed, and I was healed." "Daddy prayed, and I was healed." They reached me and I said, "I had a bad headache and momma gave me tylenol and it went away!" The whole church laughed, and I guess the little pharmacist was born.

4. I used to always want three sons. I was a tomboy and felt I'd be a better boy mom than a girl mom. Now I just want one more and either sex will do. (I won't be opposed to twins though I bet Jeff would flip!)

5. I love dogs more than cats though I had a cat in college named Tasselhoff Burrfoot out of a character in a series of books I love. She died in February 2007 at the ripe old age of 13. My mom cared for her when I left for pharmacy school.

6. I am a big fan of C.S. Lewis. I wish that I could go back in time and be a member of the Inklings.

7. I got into gaming in college. I played some card games and board games, but I really loved MUSHs and MUDs . My first one was Ancient Anguish and then later Elendor .

8. I told my dad way back in 1991 that I thought AOL was far superior to Compuserve and others. I wish I would have bought some stock back then! He does, too.

9. I hate wearing pants that are my true size. I prefer them very baggy. Some reason, this makes me feel thinner. I can't stand thermal underwear.

10. I have dyed my hair every color at one time or another. I prefer it blonde. My natural color is light brown.

11. I had lasix in 1999. Best money I've ever spent. I'm still 20/15 in one eye and 20/20 in the other almost ten years later.

12. I'm an ENFP. I'd rather be an ENFJ.

13. When asked what my favorite song of all time was - growing up - I'd say, "Boys of Summer," by Don Henley. Today I'd say "Praise You in this Storm," by Casting Crowns.

14. I have blogged semi-anonymously for many years. A few have found the web address and I have to admit it has changed the way I write. Sometimes I want to vent and it still be a public web addy. I've learned to change the complaints into something better.

15. I have always put more stock in intellectualness than beauty.

16. I was in ROTC in college. I also joined the Ranger Team and was one of two girls. If I hadn't gotten into pharmacy school, I would have joined the Army. When I went to pharmacy school, I almost joined the Navy. I went through the entire military physical and decided not to at the last minute. I don't regret not going today.

17. I have run a couple marathons. I'd love to do it again. I am more fond of the 5K and 10K though.

18. I have had the mumps.

19. I started playing the piano when I was 4. I started reading music before I ever learned to read. I took classical lessons for 14 years. I am unfortunately very rusty right now!

20. I was a band nerd. I should say I am still the nerd part. I played clarinet, saxophone, french horn, and baritone. This did not help my love life at all.

21. I was a cheerleader in 9th grade and hated it. I felt so fat. I only weighed 120 lbs.

22. I was in the school play every year from 7th grade through 12th.

23. I find it amusing that purses, sunglasses, cars, and name brands show status.

24. I won't eat liver.

25. I was a vegetarian for several years. It was all because of a video I saw of the way cows and chickens are slaughtered. I couldn't get the images out of my mind for a long time.

26. I have a sheltie named after Peyton Manning. I don't like Peyton Manning much at all today since I'm a Titan's fan.

27. I love Notre Dame football and its history. I love UT a lot more. My husband though loves KY so it's difficult.

28. I am pro-life. I think it's sad that no one considers the life that is being extinguished. It's all about the mother. I get that really I do... but who is taking up for the child with its own unique soul and DNA?

29. I spend more money on gadgets and electronics than I do on clothes and home furnishings. I'm waiting on the Blackberry Storm and a new laptop at the moment (got the laptop!). Crazy.

30. I mostly sleep on my back. I prefer to sleep on my right side if on my side.

31. I am comfortable at 70 F. Over time that number has moved higher. I used to like it 67 F.

32. I have big feet. Size 10. Unfortunately they were that big in 7th grade when I was under 5 feet tall.

33. I read the book Roots in 6th grade. I loved Madeline L'Engle. I read all the Nancy Drew books. Book fair day was better than Christmas Day!

34. I love Spring and Fall the best. Summer is close. I despise Winter. If I could have my way, I'd live in FL or somewhere where it is warm year round.

35. When I was very young, I would tell everyone I wanted to be a marine biologist and live near the ocean. That never happened, but I am still deeply in love with the ocean. If I could have my way, that somewhere warm would have an ocean as well within a mile. Key West, FL would fit the bill.

36. My brother and I have always been competitive. Somewhere along the way our relationship has been horribly fractured, and I doubt if we'll ever be friends again. This is sad, but it's the path he is comfortable with. I am a family girl; he is not a family guy. He's still not met his nephew. Competitiveness definitely has its down side. In fact most of the time I view it as a negative trait though it's a trait that makes a lot of people excel.

37. I don't like fake plants. My husband does. There's a pile of them in the floor of the living room right now that are going to Goodwill.

38. I think I'm a packrat in denial. I'm constantly keeping stuff and moving it from place to place. It takes me awhile to get rid of things, but I'm working on that.

39. I never realized how much my parents loved me until I had my son.

40. I really want to write a book before I kick the bucket.

41. I love crab legs.

42. I have an awareness of the present and how precious it is, but many times I will cry for no reason when thinking of reminiscing in the future about my present today. For example, it really bothers me right now that my parents are in their fifties. It bothers me to think that the lifespan of a human is around seventy years or so, and that my parents have about twenty years left. I have been alive for 35 years. My time with them is well over half finished. This goes on and on. I do this with my spouse, my dogs, my son, and anything. I am always aware that this moment in time will soon be added to the big pile of memories in my brain. And that although it may not seem to be the best time in my life (any time actually) later I always treasure the time more. I need to enjoy TODAY more and stop this line of thinking.

43. I absolutely love taking pictures.

44. I'd rather take a bug outside rather than kill it.

45. I have a bad habit of not looking at prices prior to buying something. I'm married to someone that clips coupons.

46. I used to want to skydive before I died. Then, I grew up and got scared.

47. My first plane ride was at the age of 29. I always drove wherever... even if it meant to Denver, CO to ski, to Virginia Beach, VA to see a friend, etc... I used to really put the miles on a car.

48. One time on a blind date, I got nervous and left. In the middle of the movie. He scared me for some odd reason.

49. I like to grow roses. I love yard work.

50. I used to not believe in soulmates until I met Jeff.

51. I've never voted for a Democrat in the Presidential election. I've now lost 3 times. Clinton, Clinton, and Obama.

52. Quality Time is my love language, too.

53. I don't believe in astrology.

54. I love Harry Potter.

55. I'm not a big movie fan at all. I'm married to someone who loves movies!

56. One of my favorite books is by Ayn Rand - The Fountainhead.

57. I have spent way too much money on iTunes. As of now, I have 3057 songs. Ridiculous.

58. I have an obsession with clean floors.

59. I procrastinate too much.

60. I'm shy at first. Some may interpret this as snobby. I'm not snobby at all.

61. I love sumatra coffee from Starbucks.

62. If I have to order a specialty coffee it would be a grande nonfat decaf caramel macchiato.

63. I really love to be around positive half glass full empty person rather than a negative half glass empty person. It really drains me to be around negativity.

64. I think that hand sanitizers and the misuse of antibiotics along with antimicrobial products are contributing to "super bugs." It's pretty scary to see vancomycin resistant anything.

65. I'm on the fence about global warming.

66. I love being a mommy.

67. I really want to learn to scuba dive.

68. Internet shopping is so much better than going to the mall.

69. I like video games.

70. I really like to sit and think about the meaning of life, why we are here, and what the future holds. I'm an intuitive person and my head are in the clouds.

71. When I'm around kids it reminds me of being a kid again. I've never felt comfortable as an adult. I used to cry on every birthday because I knew I was getting older and didn't want to.

72. I prefer to wear the same pair of jeans three times before washing them. They really start to break in at that point!

73. I love to swim. The perfect home would have a swimming pool in the backyard.

74. I love to go to church but have a hard time there because it seems like it's very difficult to get to know members of a church. We no longer have Wednesday night services in the city. I can be at my church every Sunday and still feel very lonely. This really bothers me.

75. I miss handwritten letters. Emails and text messaging have lost their charm.

76. I really like the book "A Severe Mercy" by Sheldon Vanauken.

77. I love to bake and make anything sweet. I'm not much of a cook for dinner.

78. I really like 8-9 hours for sleep. I like a really long shower.

79. I was saved when I was 10 years old. It was a very real experience that I treasure.

80. I once did an impression of Jerry Lee Lewis' "Great Balls of Fire" on the piano in front of my entire high school back in 1990. I cannot believe I did that.

81. I was voted Most Studious. I never studied.

82. I am quick to categorize a person. I really need to slow down and give people more of a chance.

83. I love to debate issues. Sometimes it's not a good thing.

84. I have a hard time napping during the day.

85. My middle name was Nicole. Now it is Butler.

86. I have been on the internet since 1989.

87. I enjoy being a geek. 100% truly.

88. My major in college was Chemistry. My minor was biology.

89. I will listen to a song over and over again.

90. I've never had a tattoo because I imagine myself at 60 years old with one and how it would look at that age. It keeps me away from the tattoo shop.

91. I am super analytical.

92. I am super impatient and stubborn.

93. I can spell very well. Sometimes I don't pronounce things so well.

94. I learn better visually than I do audibly.

95. I used to drive a 1967 Mustang 2+2 fastback. I loved that car.

96. I skim read much to my detriment.

97. I have a birthmark on my inner left arm that most people mistaken for a burn.

98. Autumn used to be my favorite season. Now it is spring. I used to like Spring less because I had severe seasonal allergies. Thankfully, I have grown out of them in the past 30 years.

99. I can iron, but I don't like to.

100. I can type 100 words a minute.

oh how the election affects us all

2008-11-04T13:54:00.000-06:00

So a professor admits on Huffington Post that he stole yard signs of McCain-Palin and loses his job. Was it worth it?

He faces up to 90 days in jail and or a $1,000 fine, the paper said.

one of the hot topics...

2008-11-03T15:31:00.001-06:00

First of all, I have to say that yesterday's sermon at church was wonderful. The pastor that preached is from England and will not be voting, obviously, since he is not an American citizen. It was refreshing to hear another point-of-view and understand that although we believe as Republicans, a lot of the time, we vote based on social issues, there are some Christians out there who vote Democrat.What's amazing about it in example is in the book of Esther, there is supposedly no mention of God. I haven't gone back to check. God is and will always be King of Kings and Lord of Lords... President of Presidents, etc... With that in mind, no matter who wins (and the liberal media predicts Obama - and I predict him as well) God has His hand in this election and has His reasons for allowing certain things to happen. Maybe it's not a bad thing Obama wins? Who knows. Either way, I'm a little bit more confident in that there has to be a trust in God. Furthermore, 2 Corinthians 7:14 says, "if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

I'm encouraged.

I thought I'd find quotes of how our politicians feel about different topics. Today: Abortion.

In an October interview with Newsweek, Pelosi stated, “To me it isn't even a question. God has given us a free will. We're all responsible for our actions. If you don't want an abortion, you don't believe in it, don't have one.”

This is what Sen. Barack Obama said last year at a conference of politically liberal religious leaders: “I cannot simply point to the teachings of my church or evoke God's will. I have to explain why abortion violates some principle that is...

“No, what I voted (was) against curtailing the right, criminalizing abortion. I voted against telling everyone else in the country that they have to accept my religiously based view that it's a moment of conception,” said Biden. “But then...

“I listened when he defended his unconditional support for unlimited abortions. He said that a woman shouldn't have to be-quote--'punished with a baby.' He said that right here in Johnstown--'punished with a baby'--and it's about time we called him...

“I believe that the potential for life begins at conception,” Hillary Clinton said. “I think abortion should remain legal, but it needs to be safe and rare.”

Republican candidate John McCain in 1999 told the San Francisco Chronicle, "I'd love to see the point where (Roe v. Wade) is irrelevant, and could be replaced because abortion is no longer necessary. But certainly in the short term, or even the long term, I would not support repeal of Roe v. Wade, which would force X number of women in America to (undergo) illegal and dangerous operations." This led the National Right to Life Committee to claim that McCain had "no coherent pro-life philosophy and that he has no intention of implementing pro-life public policies should he become president."

As a friend of mine said, "I really don't have a dog in this hunt."

just some random questions

2008-11-02T08:31:00.000-06:00

How do you handle stress?

I handle stress by either praying or running or both at the same time. Since I haven't been able to run lately just because of the dynamics of a baby and nursing, stress has been creeping into my life more than I would like it to. I'm recommitting myself to start fast walking/jogging again to see if it helps. I also talk about the stress with others, but sometimes I do feel as though that would be considered complaining. I don't mean to complain... I just tend to work things out outloud rather than inside.

What have been the greatest successes in your life?

I would have to say first and foremost becoming a mother and wife contributing to our family. It's a role that I still work on daily, but to think that a human being is now solely depending on Jeff and me is astounding. It really makes me reevaluate everything I do and say. I understand more about my own parents as well. Secondly, I would have to say my education. It has enabled me to work 30 hours a week but yet still make a great salary. I give God all the glory for both of these successes. I certainly had help. I have to add running a couple of marathons was a huge achievement.

What do you think contributed to that success?

I would have to say that the prayers of my parents and God helped contribute to success in my life. If you know me at all, it's easy to notice that it's hard for me to stay "on task." I'm very tangential. I definitely had help achieving both!

What did you learn from the greatest failure of your life?

My greatest failure in life would be my divorce. I learned that marriage takes a lot of work from both sides. I also learned that the things I thought were important in a relationship are not as important as just plain kindness, respect, love, admiration, and wanting to grow old together.

What would you do differently if you could start over?

I am a firm believer that the path you take in life has it's purpose. I believe that especially if you have a relationship with Jesus that He will order your steps; however, we can take a side path but many times God will use that side path to work something wonderful in your life. He will take what was meant to destroy you and use it for good. I also realize that the path I took led me to where I am today. I cannot think of another path that would have taken me to this very place in my life.

What kind of books do you read?

I read a lot of different kinds of books. I love C.S. Lewis. I love JRR Tolkien. I read the Bible. Sometimes I read self help books because they are so interesting. I enjoy science fiction. I enjoy Ayn Rand. Reading really sharpens your brain. I USED to read a lot more than I do now!

How do you manage your time?

Not good at that.

What have been the greatest lessons you’ve learned?

What was meant to destroy me has made me stronger.
There is a reason for everything. God is in control.
I'm very blessed and grateful for what I have in my life. I couldn't ask for more.
I've learned that my parents really love me. Especially after having my own son.
I've learned to become more detailed, though it's not my nature.

What have been the greatest surprises in your life?

Time really does move fast. You should really make the most of every single day. Soon it will be a memory.

napoblomo

2008-11-01T13:03:00.000-05:00

It's that time of year. This counts as post 1. LOL Anyway, it is tough to blog every single day, but I'm going to do my best this month!

happy halloween

2008-10-31T16:38:00.001-05:00

mccain to appear on SNL

2008-10-31T15:57:00.000-05:00

Following his running mate Sarah Palin's appearance of two weeks ago that drew the biggest ratings in over a decade, John McCain is set to be a guest on Saturday Night Live just three days before Americans decide if he is to be America's oldest president. McCain actually hosted in 2002.

I realize the majority of people watching SNL are voting for Obama, but McCain is appearing this Saturday. As I watch twitter updates it's all negative about McCain on SNL. If it were Obama, those same would be praising Obama for his glorious appearance on the comedy show. I thought Palin did a fine job. Those same don't. Desperation? Maybe so, but just don't forget that the polls that say McCain is behind are the same polls that said Kerry was ahead and that Gore was ahead. Polls are just polls.

I will admit it would be funnier if Obama AND McCain would appear together on SNL. I don't think the two dislike each other the way their audience pokes at each other with constant he said she said issues. I still have hope that the Obama movement of hope and change will fail. I have some compare him to Reagan in 1980 with the same sort of movement. Things aren't as bad today as they were at the end of Carter's reign. I just shudder at the thought of a Senate, Congress, and POTUS in the hands of liberals. It frightens me, but no... I'm not one of the ones that would say I was leaving the country if the opposite won. America always survives.

If McCain wins:
I'm moving to (you pick the place).
I'm leaving earth.
I'm moving to Canada - this one is funny!
I'm moving to China -- hey PLEASE go!

If Obama wins:
I'm moving to Alaska!
I'm moving to Africa ...
I'm moving if Obama wins to ...

And to leave you with the funny JibJab video I'm digging way too much this election season.
Thank God the holidays are coming!!!