whew....

So far so good on my sheltie.  Just bad arthritis and a lot more TLC needed at home.  Isn't he a cutie?  I know, I know the little white guy, Jake, steals the show!

pate news...

I know. He's just a dog, and a dog is not guaranteed a very long life. Ten years if a large dog; maybe 15 if small. In the scheme of things that amount of time can pass almost like a blink of an eye. And so it has for Pate and me.

I remember the day I bought Pate like yesterday. I remember the first time I jumped up and down in the snow cheering like mad while noticing the light bulb going off in Pate's head. He never messed in the house again. He never marked. I remember the walks we used to take before his Cushing's took away that ability. I'm so sad because it's passed all too quickly. I'm sad that we're in the last few days of his life. I can tell that it won't be long and I'll spare him a painful death.

I plan to hold him as they administer the lethal injection of pentobarbital. I dread it. The thought now makes me so sad and shudder with the thought of life without Pate.

He's been put on tramadol three times daily which is making him more lethargic. His quality of life is definitely diminishing. I've finally got in touch with the vet I trust the most and hopefully meeting with him tomorrow if I find someone to work for me for two hours. I know that if he tells me it's time, I can do this. I can do the right thing and give him the dignity in crossing over that he deserves rather than struggling here.

Oh God! Help me! The thought without him, my best friend, is a thought I don't want to entertain but fairly soon will be my reality.

I really pray that dogs go to heaven. Please tell me they do. I hope he's waiting on me :(

struggling...

I absolutely cannot go see "Marley and Me" right now though I have admittedly read the book when it came out.  I am at a loss on the end of life dog idea because of the internal struggle I am dealing with my beloved sheltie, Pate.  Pate is 13 years old now and suffers from cushing's disease and arthritis.  He's not able to walk on hardwood floors.  He gets stuck many times and cannot get up.  I literally have to carry him outside to get him to go to the bathroom... and the newest issue: anal glands are filling up every few days.  I have had 2/3 vets tell me that it's time.  I've been battling that decision in my head and heart.  So far, it's obvious my heart is winning because he is still here.

There comes a point when a dog owner realizes that maybe they are keeping the dog alive for their own benefit or the inevitable.  I'm going to be incredibly sad when he is gone.

vet trip

I was off work yesterday, and used the opportunity to take my Pate to the vet.  We didn't go to the vet that was really leaning more toward euthanasia, but the best vet in Franklin, Dr. Beauchamp.  I didn't get in to see him specifically as he was out of town, but I did leave there feeling a little lighter.

It took me back to the first time I met Dr. Beauchamp.  Pate was already considered an "older" dog, and Dr. Beauchamp was extremely gentle and kind to him.  He has a special way about the way he practices medicine.  It's always amazing to meet someone in life who is doing what they are called to do... so many times people are unhappy with their professions in life.  Dr. Beauchamp is one of the few that is doing what he loves. 

He won me over that day but sealed the deal when just a couple of days later a letter came in the mail personally written from him.  Pate has seen countless vets and specialists for his cushing's disease.  Not once has a single vet taken the time to personally write a handwritten letter.  I really hope I didn't throw the letter away but the gist of it was how honored he was that I chose him to take care of my dear Pate.  You can tell he is doing what he loves.  I wasn't surprised to see that he had won "Mighty Dog's Vet of the Year" one year.

We left yesterday with another prescription... this time ultram has been added.  So now Pate's list of meds include Trilostane (Vetoryl), Rimadyl, and Ultram as needed.  The vet I saw told me that it was not time to consider euthanasia.  Pate is constipated and therefore has anal gland issues.  I know TMI.  I am giving him pumpkin (per her recommendation) mixed in with Science Diet Senior to help with all that.  No more stim tests for Pate to check on his levels.  It's all about less stress and just making his last whatever time with me as pain free as possible.  No more diet food.  Hopefully I will get another year with my little buddy, but whatever time I have left will be full of love for him.  He's been such a devoted little dog!

tomorrow

Tomorrow I am taking Pate in to another vet to just get a second opinion.  His arthritis is so bad.  Is the metacam worth going back on?  Is the rimadyl a bad medicine for him?  My heart breaks listening to him use every ounce of his energy to go up the stairs; one painful step at a time while I listen and remember younger days when he would bounce up stairs with no effort.  Age is always a slow process but suddenly adds up.  Is Pate really 13?  Has 13 years really gone by with great speed?  I'm just not ready.  I'm not ready.

I am hoping for some hope.  Tell me that Pate has another year at least.  Tell me that we can somehow manage this and find a magic pill.  Tell me my little buddy is not suffering. 

I noticed today that he didn't eat his breakfast.  Is he smart enough to know I'm watching him and knew I'd reach for the treat dogfood rather than the diet?  He gobbled that canned dogfood down without hesitation.  He left the diet dogfood he's been on for years untouched.  He's still my smart little guy.

pate

I remember the first time I looked into the brown eyes of my shetland sheepdog, Pate.  It was September 1995, and I was a first year pharmacy student.  I definitely didn't have the time or the money to care for a pet, but I spontaneously purchased the pup from a nonreputable breeder in Memphis, TN.  He was the runt of the litter of Miss Mischief with White Toes and Mister Beau Zeau.  The breeder had nicknamed all the puppies, and Pate's first name was Leaf.

I remember the drive home on the fast Memphis freeway with little Pate in my lap.  Peyton Manning was on the radio discussing something about college football as he was the quarterback for the Vols.  I thought Pate sounding like a great name for a dog, and I named him "Lil' Boy Pate."

I brought him home to my apartment in Memphis, TN that I was sharing with Carrie my roommate (and also not a dog lover).  What a bad roommate of me to buy this dog knowing Carrie and how she felt, but I pushed on in my usual way.  Carrie and Pate started a relationship with another that consisted of Pate eating lipstick left on the floor, etc...  We laugh about it now, but honestly Carrie...  you endured a lot from a little rambunctious puppy who destroyed a lot.

We moved to a highrise apartment.  More funny stories about Pate going out on the balcony and just peeing as he didn't want to take the eleven story elevator ride to the ground to the tiny bit of grass outside.  The fake outdoor carpet would do.  It was a riot but not good for neighbor relations.

Pate and I moved out to Bartlett with my friend Dana.  Dana ended up becoming my sister-in-law as she married my brother though they divorced seven years later.  Dana and Pate bonded though Dana admitted as Carrie she wasn't a dog person.

Time moves on and I look back thinking about what Pate has meant to me and what we have been through.  He was with me during my four years of pharmacy school.  He licked my tears during a big breakup and the breakup of my first marriage.  He is my buddy and my best friend even now.

In July 2002, Pate was diagnosed with Cushings disease and I immediately sought out an internal specialist vet who would help to guide me into getting his disease under control.  I spent a lot of money on tests, etc...  We put him on Lysodren for a couple of years until he became resistant and then moved to Vetoryl.  He is still on vetoryl today though I haven't had his levels tested lately.  I've become more lax with it all due to Pate's age (13) and having the new baby. 

Over the past year I have to carry Pate more.  He's not able to walk on the hardwood floor very well.  He still pants a lot.  He still wants to follow his mommy into every room regardless how long it takes.  Last week I took him to the vet because he has some sort of anal gland issue going on.  Did I mess up by mentioning euthanasia?  The vets there seem to be bringing it up again since.  I had to take him back yesterday and now he's on antibiotics. 

I'm not ready to put Pate down.  I asked him yesterday to let me know when he's ready.  He is still wagging his tail and eating and hanging out.  Is it time?  How will I know? 

I'm not ready to lose my best friend yet.  We still have to have time.

pate the sheltie

This is my first baby, Pate. He is a shetland sheepdog (sheltie) and has been the greatest pet I've ever had. He was born and bought in Memphis, TN by a breeder but was the runt of the litter. They called him "Leaf" but of course I immediately changed his name on the carride home. Peyton Manning was on the radio doing an interview while he was the quarterback for UT. Pate just stuck at that moment.

He's been my buddy through thick and thin, through pharmacy school, etc...

He also has cushing's disease, a fairly common disease in dogs that basically causes their body to have too much cortisol. The biggest issue with cushing's for Pate is muscle wasting in his hindlegs which keeps him from being mobile as far as jumping goes. I cannot remember the last time Pate could jump on the bed. He's controlled with a drug called Vetoryl (trilostane) that I special order from England as it is not available in the US. It's been a great alternative to the more toxic lysodren. Besides, he became resistant to lysodren.

Pate is 13 years old now and having more issues with walking on the hardwood floors and getting around. It breaks my heart but at least yesterday the vet gave me hope as we are trying a new drug for his arthritis, rimadyl, a cox-2 inhibitor. We're also going to use sucralfate for a couple of days to coat his stomach.

Fingers crossed that this treatment really makes a difference in his quality of life. I'm not ready for the end of his yet.