Limerence begins as a barely perceptible feeling of increased interest in a particular person, known as the limerent object, but one which, if nurtured by appropriate conditions, can grow to enormous intensity. In most cases it also declines, eventually to zero or to a low level. At this low level, limerence is either transformed through reciprocation or it is transferred to another person who then becomes the new limerent object. Under the best of conditions the waning of limerence through mutuality is accompanied by the growth of the emotional response more suitably described as love.
Limerance is the psychological state characterized by deep, addictive infatuation that humans fall into upon "falling in love" but that rarely lasts more than a few years. Sometimes, with a probability of less than about 1 in 10, a limerant relationship transforms into a more "realistic," staid, long-term, sometimes deeply loving and sometimes deathly boring relationship. In this sense, limerance is a state of "knocking like crazy on the door" ....
I felt that (still feel) when I first met my husband. We have been together now for 4 years. I wanted to know more about him. I spent hours speaking with him on the phone from my brother's house. We talked for so long that my phone literally would go out when the battery died. We would talk about music, interests, our divorces, our families, our job, our dogs, what we liked to do, what books we read, and on and on...
We are bombarded by that infatuation type love on TV, in movies, and in our magazines. It is what love is supposed to be. There are those people who move from relationship to relationship always looking for that new excitement and that spark. The sex is new, etc... What is love, exactly?
Pulling from the past, I remember someone telling me that love is the deep seeded craving to want to "know" what makes the other tick. OK, so you think that he's, let's say not affectionate? Perhaps he is, but you didn't attempt to really know his very being, his essence. Or maybe it is too exhaustive. Maybe you crave the new touch from man to man to man - or woman for that matter...
This poem to me, describes love -- the constant quest of knowing... because you can never fully know...
You are still new, my love, I do not know you,
Stranger beside me in the dark of bed,
Dreaming dreams I cannot ever enter,
Eyes closed in that unknown, familiar head
Who are you? Who have thrust and entered
My very being, penetrated so that now
I can never again be wholly separate,
Bound by shared living to this unknown thou.
I do not know you, nor do you know me,
And yet we know each other in the way
Of our primordial forebears in the garden,
Adam knew Eve. As we do, so did they
They; we; forever strangers: austere, but true
-Madeline L'Engle
I'm reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. A friend of mine sent it to another couple who are contemplating a divorce. Their divorce is hard because there are three little children involved. I hope they try a little bit more. I am only reading it because I love self-help books. I should have been a therapist like my mother.
It's a good read. I just can't figure out yet which language of "love" I speak. Or he speaks... Maybe we speak them all?
Posts
0 thoughts:
Post a Comment