hindsight

You know the old saying, "Hindsight is 20/20." It's true. It definitely is. I sit and think back to a time just two years ago when many things I believed were shaken and tried. I really hated with the very core of my being that I could not explain why God chose not to heal a miscarriage in progress back in February 2007. I could not understand how it is I can believe one thing with the very core of my being and with the next breath not receive what it is I am praying and begging for.

I was taught from a young age that Jesus still heals, and I still believe that. Although our American society doesn't believe this for the most part, or rather it is our rationalizations of what is healing, etc... we just don't experience this as much. Perhaps it is just true disbelief. I BELIEVED. I really did. I really wanted to have an experience yet again that would match up with how I believe. Something I can point to and say, "See.... here is what God has done." Maybe it's that I wanted more validity in what I believe. I wanted truth and healing all in one big swoop. But, I was left crying in my living room on the couch beneath a big mirror over the fireplace where now hangs a portrait of Lucas. The very place I collapsed now holds new hope. It's like the old song, "Unanswered Prayers." Sometimes we do have to thank God for them.

Whatever it is that you are going through today that seems so disastrous, keep in mind that in a little bit of time it will all make sense. At least the new gifts and healings given and those not given. There's always a season under heaven and a reason things don't go the way I want.