what is love?

What is love? Love is something that most people, especially women, would define as a feeling of absolute thrill of someone. Limerance, as it is called, is that powerful and constantly distracting and obsessive infatuation with someone. Although I don’t disagree with that aspect of love, in a sense, I believe that it is much more. Love is a commitment. It is putting someone else’s needs before your own, and imagine a couple doing this how much better their relationship would be. Love is something that I have found in my husband.

Divorce is so prevalent today. Obtaining a marriage license is so much easier than obtaining a divorce. It’s ironic in a way. We feel alone or trapped in a marriage and rather than seeking professional advice (my own mother is an LCSW remember! :)), we find ourselves in the arms of another lover. We find ourselves another person, someone new where the passion seems intense and floods our very being. We try to justify our actions in that we were alone, damn it. He/she ignored me. I was alone. I had every right. Does that really justify going out on our own spouse, the very person we committed ourselves to before God and man?

My brother divorced his wife, someone who wasn’t perfect, but was an absolute doll. She would have done anything for him, but there finally came a point where it was obvious that he was constantly on business trips and treated his wife rather poorly. I love my brother dearly and wish him happiness. But at the same time I look at his situation and wonder if he will repeat it with the next one, and the next one, and so on… If we are constantly looking for that feeling, we will find it, but it will have to be with different people – never a long-term committed relationship.

What I have found in my husband is a soulmate. As cheesy as it may sound and certainly cliché, I can honestly say that he is everything I could ever want in a man. He is a gentleman; he is kind. He loves animals; he loves children. He is private, but understands me and opens up to me (though that took about two years of asking). He treats me with respect; he holds nothing back. We have similar goals and values. He’s a wonderful lover.

I remember my mother telling me that my husband was the kind of man that someone could easily run over in a marriage – I’m certain that happened to him in the past among other infidelities – and that I would have to be careful to always treat him with love and kindness because he was a rare jewel.

That he is. I am so lucky to be married to him and look forward to our life together with children and just growing old together. With him, I can just “be.”