thoughts on a day off...

It is funny to shop while pregnant... especially with 3.5 weeks left! I literally become so exhausted so quickly, it's amazing! I never realized how much I normally accomplished in a day prior to this, I'm sure the same will be said when we have a child... I went to the mall yesterday to find some jewelry and pick up some Redken shampoo/conditioner. I found an outfit that was rather cute that I may wear today for my next baby shower with friends in the area. I'm really excited about it but the same sort of feelings of knowing it's another milestone in this pregnancy makes me a bit nervous. I think I dreamed about the labor last night and wondering how much pain is it really without medication? Can I do this without an epidural? Why do so many women opt for something that potentially slows down labor? It tells me that it's the pain of it... so of course being that I've never really had what I would call severe true acute pain - well maybe once but the back injury during the marathon still was not that bad - mostly annoying - I guess we'll have to wait and see.

I'm reading several books right now passing the time - and nesting of course - My favorite is "Birthing From Within." I really like it. I really hope hubby steps up during labor and that we're this team working together. I've already been telling my son to please decend correctly! Try not to hit mommy's back because there is a degeneration at L5-S1 that I believe would derail my plans... not that I wouldn't MIND an epidural or nubain, etc... it's that I don't want to take the meds if I don't have to and risk the chance of slowing down labor, introducing pitocin, find that my body isn't cooperating and end up in c-section land.

Anyway... he's quite active which always makes me feel better - all the kicks, rolls, turns, etc... are pretty neat. My mind has already gone to "will we have another?" I don't know. We're going to attempt to enjoy this one to the fullest and see what life brings. Hopefully we'll come together on the decision when the time is right. We both have the best relationship and intentions in our marriage - I just know that sometimes couples can disagree on things like this. I think my only hesitation of stopping at one is the only child issue and the burden of that child to care for their parents alone.

But, look at the relationship I have with my younger brother! It's flawed (well of course his is flawed with mom and dad as well) and unhealthy. He has done a lot of things to all three of us. I do want the best for him. I do not want to be bitter over the things he's done to me... but it's a work in progress. Family issues always come to surface when having your first child.

I'm excited that my friends D, C, next door neighbor, and K are having a baby shower for me today! Somehow I've dropped 4 lbs which is strange. But I do feel pretty good - just a bit tired. D used to live with me in college for a year (and actually was married to my brother at one time... believe that or not). C was my pharmacy school roomie. K is a friend here in town and a new mom as well. I bought them gifts yesterday to thank them. I really want to go to a chocolate store and get more stuff... have to see...

Well there's the update. I'll post pictures of the shower later. Hoping I can get some good ones today!